Parking Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."Miraculously, a parking place appeared.Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

The local priest returns to his car to find a traffic warden in the process of giving him a parking ticket.
Priest: "Hello there, you couldn't see you're way clear to forgetting about that could you, my son."
TW: "Sorry, farther, once I've started filling the form in I've got to finish"
Priest: "That's OK. It's my fault. I parked in the wrong place."
TW: "That's very good of you, we usually get all kinds of abuse in these circumstances."
Priest: "Wouldn't here of such a thing, after all it was my fault. We're having a tea party this weekend would you like to come?"
TW: "Well, that is good of you, farther. Yes, I'll be there. It's so refreshing to talk to someone who understands the position I'm in."
Priest: "Maybe you would like to bring you're mother and farther along, as well, and I could marry them!"

Santa on Trial
You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:
Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole
Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go
Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees
You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year
Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly
Failing to file a flight plan for your travels
Failing to equip your more...

Pedro was driving down the street, in a panic, because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

Moshe is driving around in a car park, but to his dismay, he cannot find a parking space. He drives around for half an hour then looks up to the heavens and says:
"Excuse me? It's Moshe. G-d I really need your help. I can't find a parking space. I promise if you find me one I will go to shul every week and I will keep every Jewish law ever written!"
Just then, a parking space appears in front of him. Moshe looks up to the sky again and says:
"Actually, don't worry G-d, I just found one!"

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 15 km'.
He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign that says, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 8 km' and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying, 'Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right' his curiosity gets the better of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a sombre stone building with a small sign next to the door saying, 'Sisters of Mercy'.
He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you, my son?'
He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business.'
'Very well, my son. Please follow me.'
He is led through many winding passages more...

Last year, in anticipation of abortions possibly becoming illegal in Michigan,
Ann Arbor voters passed an amendment to the city charter making the maximum
allowed penalty for getting an illegal abortion a $5 fine. (As a side note, the
same election increased the fine for possessing small quantities of marijuana
from $5 to $25 for a first offense and $100 for a second).
However, the really strange thing about this policy is that its enforcement
would be assigned to the Parking Department.
So I guess this is a way of penalizing excessive parking after 6 p.m..
But what I have to wonder is what they'll do to women who don't pay their
abortion tickets. Since 6 unpaid traffic tickets results in getting your
car booted, will 6 unpaid abortion tickets result in having a chastity belt
put on you?