Parking Jokes / Recent Jokes

I went to court for a parking ticket. I pleaded insanity. I said, "Your honour, why would anyone in their right mind park in the passing lane?"

Submitted by Darcy

I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was this motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.

So I went up to him and said,' Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

So I called him a pencil necked nazi.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!!

So I called him a horse shit.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket!!

This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner...

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined, to have the car towed. As the morning wore on, however, my anger cooled, and I decided to give the driver another chance.During lunchtime, I went outside and left this note on the driver's windshield:"Please don't take my parking space. If you do, and your car disappears, don't say I never towed you!"

1) When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
2) Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
3) The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
4) Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
5) Always look both ways when running a red light.
6) Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
7) Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
8) Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed
up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.

I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying
emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually
just put my car in park."

You fall off the floor quite often
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
Hangovers have become an alternative lifestyle
Bill & Hillary Clinton are starting to make sense
You lose most of the arguments with inanimate objects
You have a "Reserved Parking" space at your liquor store
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
You don't recognize people, unless seen through bottom of glass
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
You think the 4 Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol & Women

This particular Wizard worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants took advantage of his good nature, and would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following effective sign: This parking space belongs to the Wizard.... Violators will be toad!