Parrot Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50. 00, which seemed awfully cheap.
"Why so little," she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her seriously and said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff." The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird`s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then found it kind of amusing.
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them enter and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation more...

A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out how the magician made everything in the act disappear. The parrot grew to be very bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot could figure out.
One night in the middle of the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot. The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard, immediately collapsing from exhaustion.
Soon afterward, the parrot flew to the magician and perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. And stared. And stared. For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him. Eventually the magician started to stir. Looking up, he saw the parrot, still eyeing him intently, not even blinking.
Another hour goes by, and finally the parrot squawks, more...

There was this magician who did an act for vacationers. He had a parrot that was always ruining his act by blurting out in the middle of a trick, "AWK! The card is up his sleeve," or "AWK! He had the bird in his pocket," or "AWK! He slipped it through a hole in the hat."
One day the ship sank, and the magician and parrot found themselves together, floating along on a small raft in the middle of the ocean. For three days the parrot just sat silently and stared at the magician. Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot said, "AWK! Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty.

He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the more...

A burglar enters a home and is greeted by "Jesus is watching!"
He shines his flashlight around and finds no one.
He takes another step to hear "Jesus is watching you."
This time he shines the light to discover a parrot.
He asks, "Was that you talking ?"
The parrot answers "Yes."
The burglar asks, "What is your name?"
The parrot replies, "Clarence."
The burglar asks, "What idiot named you Clarence?"
The parrot replies, "The same idiot that named the Doberman Jesus."

He found one that he liked and went up to the counter to buy it. The shop assistant saw which parrot he had picked out and said, "That parrot repeats everything he hears." "That's alright," the man replied. So the man bought the parrot and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he saw a cop chasing a robber. The cop hollered to his partner, "Shoot him down, shoot him down!" Then the parrot said, "Shoot him down, shoot him down!" They kept walking and found a man who was trying to pry his car off the ground with a crowbar because his wheels had been stolen. The man said, "Pop it up, pop it up!" The parrot said, "Pop it up, pop it up!" They kept on walking to a carnival. A guy at a gamestand yelled, "Hit a big one, win a prize!" The parrot said, "Hit a big one, win a prize!" Then they walked into a church and sat down. The minister was in the middle of the sermon. He said, "The Lord is above more...

Hillary Clinton went into a pet shop and spotted a beautiful parrot. "Can this parrot talk?" she asked. "Yes, he can," replied the manager. "Why are all the others $500, and this one only $50?" "Well," explained the manager, "not everyone would want to own this parrot since he spent years in a whore house and his language is somewhat foul."
"Well, I want him," Hillary said.
"Ok ma'am, suit yourself," the manager said with a shrug. When Hillary got the parrot to the White House, she uncovered the cage and stood admiring him. Tilting his head to one side, the parrot looked her in the eye and said, "New house, new madam." This made Hillary chuckle.
After a while, Chelsea and a friend came in and stopped to admire the bird. The bird looked back at them both and said, "New house, new whores."
Hillary quickly explained the bird's history to Chelsea and her friend, which gave them both a more...