Pass Jokes / Recent Jokes

A son and a father are walking together in a sunday morning, chatting. They enter a park and pass by a big, fat man, on a bench, drooling in his sleep (with his mouth open) and a bag of potato chips on his lap. As they pass by him the son snickers, while the father sighs. They continue walking talking about many things. Eventually, a hot woman in a red dress passes by, the son looks at her with eyes of passion. The father looks at her too.
"Son, don't be fooled by a woman's good looks"
the son looks at his father, ready for a lesson.
"That's your mom 20 years ago"
then he sighs.
"That's your mom now", he says as he looks at the man on the bench.

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells".

Saint Peter said "you may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "They're Carols".

Police officer George and officer Mary had been assigned to walk the beat. They had only been out a short while when Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them."
George replied, "We don't have to go back, just give the K-9 unit, Fido, one sniff, and he will go fetch them for you."
It was a hot day and Mary didn't fell like heading back to the station, so she lifted her skirt for the dog.
Fido's nose shoots between her legs, sniffing and snorting. After 10 seconds of sniffing, Fido's ears pick up, he sniffs the wind, and he is off in a flash towards the station house.
Five minutes go by and no sign of Fido.
Ten minutes pass, and the dog is nowhere to be seen.
Fifteen minutes pass, and they are starting to worry.
Twenty minutes pass, and they hear sirens in the distance.
The sirens get louder and louder. Suddenly, more...

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny."Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:"Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction".

A phone company put an ad in the paper in order to recruit workers. The next day, two groups of workers show up - a crew of five men and a crew of five blonde women.
The company cannot decide who to give the job to, so they give the two groups a test. The company boss says, "Each crew will receive a telephone pole that must be installed into the ground. Whoever is able to hammer it in first will get the job."
Both groups agree that this is a fair test, so off they go in the Company trucks with the long telephone poles sticking out the back. A few hours pass, and finally, at 5:00, the male crew returns.
"Yes!" they shout. "We came back first, so we get the job!!"
"Good work, men," says the boss, "However, we must wait until the other crew comes back to make sure that the reason they're delayed is not because of traffic or the truck breaking down."
"Fine, no problem," say the men.
An hour passes, two more...

You Know You're in New York City When... 1. Nuns walk down the street carrying automatic weapons. 2. You can run into the corner deli and have an eat-in lunch with dessert in the time it takes to cross the intersection of 8th and 42nd at rush hour. 3. A flying saucer can pass overhead and you hear the locals say, "Ack. More damned aliens." 4. The aroma of smoked meat is able to counteract the smell of smog and pollution. 5. The priest in the cadillac behind you gives you the finger for cutting him off. 6. You pass a convenience store advertising "Free green cards, no questions asked." 7. The gas station attendants actually speak English. 8. The unearthly pounding of the cranked up bass in the El Camino next to you is drowned out by the cabshonking their horns. 9. A person with rainbow striped hair can pass bywithout anyone staring. 10. The bumper sticker on the senior citizen's car in front of you reads, "Warning: I break for pedestrians."

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates:
"In honour of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells". Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just
what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "They're Carols".