Pastor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ” A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…” “What’s wrong with that, Johnny? ” the pastor asked. “Well, ” answered Johnny, “I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I’m not sure I’d like Shirley following me around all the time. ”

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. The farmer had genuinely tried to be friendly to his new mother-in-law, hoping that it could be a friendly, non-antagonistic relationship. All to no avail though, as she kept nagging them at every opportunity, demanding changes, offering unwanted advice, and generally making life unbearable to the farmer and his new bride.While they were walking through the barn, during the forced inspection, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. It was a shock to all no matter their feelings toward her demanding ways.At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head yes and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, however, he would shake more...

The Pastor approaches his pulpit one Sunday and said, "Before we get started today I want you to know that there are rumors running rampant-I've heard that there are many of you out there been a He'n and a She'n out of wedlock-if you been then get up and get out of my church right now!"
Some couples got up and left.
Then he said, "Some of you been a He'n and He'n-I want you to get up and get out of my church right now!"
Some guys got up and left.
He says, "Some of you ladies been a she'n and she'n-leave my church right now!" Some women left.
Old Brother Brown in the back got up and was leaving.
Pastor asked, "Where you goin' Brother Brown?"
Brother Brown replied, "I know sooner or later you'll be gettin' to me'n and a me'n and I'm just gettin'a head start...

The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were were unable to make service because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."

The pastor stood before the congregation and said "I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news." The congregation got quiet. "The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!" the pastor said. The congregation groaned. "The good news is: we have enough money for the new roof." A sigh of relief was heard rippling through the gathered group. "The bad new is: it's still in your pockets"

"The Biggest Lie"
A minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
"Nothing much, Pastor," replied the one lad. "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."
"Boys! Boys! Boys!" intoned the minister, "I'm shocked.
When I was your age, I never even thought about sex at all."
The boys looked at each other and then all replied, pretty much in unison, "You win, Pastor!"

A preacher, who shall we say was "humor impaired," attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well. The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It suddenly seemed a bit foggy to him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woma n that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air more...