Pauly Jokes

30> Given an infinite number of geeks in an infinite number of "Star Trek" conventions, would there be at least one with a life?

29> Why is Pauly Shore so successful, while a deserving and talented actor like Tom Arnold is still struggling?

28> Ask not for whom the bell tolls. Ask why Bell charges so much for toll calls.

27> Can God make Marlon Brando so big that even He can't move him?

26> If you could go back in time, would you give Hitler a wedgie?

25> The sky's just BLUE, dammit! Get over it!

24> If you sell a video explaining how you didn't kill your ex-wife and her male friend and no one buys it, does it make a sound?

23> What will I have for lunch today -- chicken salad or egg salad?

22> How much cheese could Chuck E. Cheese chuck if Chuck E. Cheese could chuck cheese?

21> Yeah, where the hell *is* Waldo?

20> If a monk, living in a monastery, takes a vow of more...

Pauly was a delightful parrot that everyone enjoyed talking to, and he
took special pleasure in socializing with the guests at his owners'
frequent cocktail parties. People loved to talk with him and feed him
goodies; indeed, he was often seen as the life of the party.
He had one failing, however; Pauly was a horny little devil. He had a
bad habit of going across the road and terrorizing the chickens that the
neighbor kept. He was a fowl rapist. Often times his owner would have to
make excuses to the neighboring farmer when Pauly had been up to no good.
A particularly egregious incident of chicken screwing really landed
Pauly in hot water. His owner said to him, "I just don't know what to do
with you! I've threatened you, I've pleaded with you, I've punished you,
but nothing I can do seems to keep you out of the chicken house. So, I'm
going to try one last thing: I'm going to humiliate you. Tonight, you'll
not be more...

Any footage of audience "laughing" at Pauly's "jokes" proven fake as well.

Pauly and Maury are out drinking one night when Maury turns to his pal and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to my street. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house; I sneak up the stairs; I get undressed in the dark, but my wife wakes up and I catch hell for staying out so late!"
Pauly looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say, 'You as horny as I am?'... and she always acts like she's sound asleep!"