Pay Jokes / Recent Jokes

Old Abraham was a poor tailor whose shop was next door to a very upscale French restaurant. Every day at lunch time, Abraham would go out the back of his shop and eat his black bread and herring while smelling the wonderful odors coming from the restaurant's kitchen.
One day, Abraham was surprised to receive an invoice from the restaurant for' enjoyment of food'. So he went to the restaurant to point out that he had not bought anything from them. The manager said, "You're enjoying our food, so you should pay us for it."
Abraham refused to pay and the restaurant sued him. At the hearing, the judge asked the restaurant to present their side of the case. The manager said, "Every day, this man comes and sits outside our kitchen
and smells our food while eating his. It is clear that we are providing added value to his poor food and we deserve to be compensated for it."
The judge turns to Abraham and said, "What do you have to say to more...

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains" I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!." Figuring that since she is a blonde that he will easily win the match. This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde more...

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man +smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man +dumb woman =pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss +smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at more...

Programmer And An Engineer A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep.
The Programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains,"I ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again the Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "O. K., if you don't know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don't know the answer I pay you $50! " Now, that got the Engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Then Engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.
Now, its the Engineer's turn. He asks more...

A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS Tax auditor who had come to review his records.

At one point the auditor exclaimed, "Mr. Carelton, we feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."

"Thank goodness," returned Mr. Carelton, with a giant grin on his face, "I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash."

Computerized Payroll January 1, 2005
Dear (enter employee name here)
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.
One additional week is granted for every 5 years of service. Please either take 9, 400 days off work or notify our office and your next pay cheque will reflect payment of $8, 277, 432. 22 which will include all pay and interest for the past 1, 200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
Engineering is like having an 8 a. m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.