Pay Jokes / Recent Jokes
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God? work. ” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public. ” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system. ” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars." The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch. And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement. The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars. So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could. Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the air port. "I'm more...
IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell. AT WORK...you spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle. IN PRISON...you get three meals a day. AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK...you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. IN PRISON...a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games. IN PRISON...you get your own toilet. AT WORK...you have to share. IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit. AT WORK...you cannot even speak to your family and friends. IN PRISON...all expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners. IN PRISON...you spend most more...
Prison life versus a full-time job
In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell.
At work you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
In prison you get three meals a day.
At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one.
In prison you get time off for good behavior.
At work you get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
At work you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
In prison you can watch TV and play games.
At work you get fired for watching TV and playing games.
In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere.
At work you are just ball-and-chained.
In prison you get your own toilet.
At work you have to share.
In prison they allow your family and friends to more...
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.
The programmer asks the first question. "What's the more...
When Duan Guangqing served as a county magistrate, he was known for his honest, upright nature. One day while passing a grain shop, he saw a crowd of people who seemed to be quarreling about something. Upon inquiry he learned that a country fellow had trampled a chick to death and the boss of the grain shop had asked for nine hundred coins in compensation. Duan Guangqing asked, "Why does a chick cost nine hundred coins?" The fellow from the country answered, "The boss said the chick, which was of fine quality, would weigh nine jin after a few months, The current price for a chicken is one hundred coins per Jin, so he asked me to pay nine hundred coins for the loss." Hearing this, Duan Guangqing asked the boss, "Is that true?" The boss of the grain shop nodded. "Yes, that's the way I calculated it." Then Duan Guangqing brought the case to a conclusion. "It seems that nine hundred coins is not too much. You just pay him that much. If you more...
Prison life versus a full-time jobIn prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. Work jokes you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle. In prison you get three meals a day. Work jokes you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for that one. In prison you get time off for good behavior. Work jokes you get rewarded for good behavior with more work. In prison a guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. Work jokes you must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself. In prison you can watch TV and play games. Work jokes you get fired for watching TV and playing games. In prison they ball-and-chain you when you go somewhere. Work jokes you are just ball-and-chained. In prison you get your own toilet. Work jokes you have to share. In prison they allow your family and friends to visit. Work jokes you cannot even speak to your family and friends. In prison all expenses are paid by taxpayers, with no work required. Work more...