Pay Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the mid west, and had been married years.
Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides.
Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."
The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.
And once he got there the feeling become real strong. Sue and Bob started an arguement.
The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you back one sound, you pay ten dollars.
So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls, and dives as he could.
Heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went more...

A man comes to his doctor and tells him that his wife doesn't
want to have sex with him for the last 7 months. The doc tells
the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife
comes into the doctors office and the doctor asks her whats
wrong and why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband
anymore.
The wife tells him, "For the last 7 months every morning I take
a cab to work. I dont have any money so the cab driver asks
me,' So are you going to pay today or what?' so I take a' or
what'. When I get to work I'm late so the boss asks me,' So are
we going to write this down in the book or what?' so I take a' or
what'. Back home agian I take the cab and again I don't have
any money so the cab driver asks me again,' So are you going
to pay this time or what?' so again I take a' or what'. So you
see doc when I get home I'm all tired out, and I don't want it
any more."
The doctor thinks more...

A guy walked into a bar and said
"Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender."

But when it was time to pay, the guy didn't have the money, so the bartender beat him up.

The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since the guy couldn't pay.

Then the next day, the guy said "Beers for everyone! But not you, bartender!"

The bartender said "Why?"

The guy replyed "You're violent when you're drunk!"

A Gujarati bhai spent the night in his secretary's apartment. He woke up at three in the morning. "My God!" he shouted, "My wife is going to kill me!" Unsure of how he would explain it, he ran to the nearest pay phone and called his wife. "Muna ni ba ", he began, "Don't pay the ransom. I escaped!"

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work. ” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public. ” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system. ” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

A letter workers may receive after Y2K...
January 4, 2000
Dear Valued Employee:
Re: Vacation Pay
Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time
over the past 100 year(s). As I'm sure you are aware, employees
are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of
time off. One additional week is granted for every 5 years of
service.
Please either take 9, 400 days off work or notify our office and
your next pay check will reflect payment of $8, 277, 432. 22 which
will include all pay and interest for the past 1, 200 months.
Sincerely,
Automated Payroll Processing

There was this good samaritan barber in a city in the US. One day a florist went to him for a haircut. After the haircut when he wanted to pay, the barber replied,' Thank you, but I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service.'
The florist was pleasantly surprised and went back happy. The next morning when the barber opened the shop, there was a thank you card with a dozen roses waiting at his door.
Next day, a cop went for a haircut and he also got the same reply from the barber,' I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service.'
The cop was happy and left the shop. When the barber reached his shop the next morning, there was a thank you note and a dozen cookies waiting for him.
An Indian software engineer went for a haircut and when he wanted to pay the barber, he too got the same reply,' I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service.'
The next morning when the barber went to open his more...