Pecker Jokes / Recent Jokes

One morning, two priests head for the showers. It isn't until they're undressed and in the showers, that they realize they didn't bring any soap. Father George decides he'll run back for the soap. Rather than taking the time to get dressed, he peaks out into the hallway, sees there's no one around, and decides to make a run for it.
He grabs the two bars of soap, checks the hall before heading back to the showers, sees it's all clear and makes a run for it. Just as he turns the corner to the showers, he spots three nuns walking toward him. With nowhere to go, and hoping that the nuns will think he's a statue, he stands perfectly still, holding the two bars of soap.
The nuns approach and the first nun says, "Oh my, look at that! Isn't that the most life-like statue you've ever seen?" She steps up for a closer look, reaches out and gives a couple of tugs on the priest's pecker. Startled, he drops the first bar of soap.
"Oh Heavens," she exclaims, "I more...

1) Cover your stump before you hump
2) Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
3) Don't be silly, protect your Willie
4) When in doubt shroud you spout
5) Don't be a loner, cover your boner
6) You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
7) If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
8) If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
9) It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
10) If you slip between her thighs, condomize
11) She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
12) If you go into heat, package your meat
13) While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
14) When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
15) Especially in December, gift wrap your member
16) Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
17) Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
18) The right selection, is to protect your erection
19) Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
20) A crank with armor, will never harm more...

A bartender is preparing to close the bar. He has to ask the last man to leave after staying all afternoon & evening.
The man leaves with no problem. The bartender sweeps up, puts the chairs up, turns out the lights and is just about to lock the door when someone pounds on the door.
He opens the door to find the man who he had just asked to leave standing there.
The drunk says "You have to help me, I can't find my car".
The bartender ask's "Where did you last see it?"
The drunk replies "It was right here on the end of my key".
The bartender realizing that the man was in no condition to drive, told him "come on back in, I'll turn on the lights and call you a cab".
When he got the man inside, he noticed that his fly was open and his pecker was hanging out.
He told the man "Hey, your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out"!!
The drunk looked down in astonishment and screamed "OH NO! First my more...

A little boy goes fishing with his grandpa. As they are paddling round the lake,
Grandpa lights up a big cigar.
The boy looks at his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, I sure would like to smoke one
of your big cigars."
Grandpa then asks, "Well son, will your pecker reach your anus?".
The little boy replies, "No."
"Well," says Grandpa. "Then you're too young to smoke cigars."
A little while later Grandpa pops open a beer.
The boy looks at his Grandpa and says, "Grandpa, I always wanted to drink a
beer."
Grandpa then asks, "Well son, will your pecker reach your anus?"
The little boy replies, "No."
"Well," says Grandpa. "Then you're too young to drink beer."
Soon the little boy reaches into his backpack and pulls out a big ham sandwich.
Grandpa looks at the little boy and says, "Son, I would really like to have some
of that more...