Pen Jokes / Recent Jokes

Below are fine examples of what happens when marketing translations fail to reach a foreign country in an understandable way.

Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."

Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick".

Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.

The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem-Feeling Free", was translated into the Japanese market as "When smoking Salem, you will feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."

When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the beautiful baby on the label. Later they learned that in more...

A young man had completed medical school. He went back home to the small town to work with his father. They went out the first day to make house calls. As they went in the first house, the father told his son to watch him so he would know what to do. Inside a woman was in the bed and she looked terrible. The old doctor checked her out. He was making notes when he dropped his pen to the floor. He picked it up and told the woman she needed to quit cleaning and working so hard in her house, she just needed rest. When they got outside the son asked how he knew she was cleaning to much. The old doctor said that when he dropped his pen on the floor, it was so clean there wasn`t a speck of dust anywhere. When they arrived at the next house the father told his son it was his turn to play doctor. At this house too, the woman was in bed, looking terrible. The young doctor took her blood pressure and pulse, asked a few questions, made some notes. Then he dropped his pen and reached down to pick more...

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen!

What do batteries run on?

Are there any questions?

I was cleaning out my closet and I found a swim suit that I had made out of sponges. I remember one time when I wore it. When I got out of the swimming pool nobody could go swimming until I came back.

I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it. You know, you turn it upside down then you turn it back and it starts to snow. I bought one, except this has a snow plow that does it in rows.

[Later] I bought one of those little glass ball things with the snow in it... Just checking.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a more...

I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at itcause it was prettier than most. The clerk said, "It's made in Germany". I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then". The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?" I said, "No. I just never learned to write German."

30 Ways to Have Fun at the Expense of Others

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random more...

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says "Sure, we can put you up."
The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is sitting at the table like a human. Throughout the meal the vagrant tries not to stare at the pig, who sports three medals around his neck, as well as a wooden leg.
Finally, he can contain his curiosity no longer. He asks "Would you mind telling me about the bronze medal around your pig's neck?"
The farmer says "Sure. It's really an incredible story. Little Timmy here was swimming in the lake when he got a cramp and started to drown. This pig heard his cries for help, busted out of his pen, ran to the lake, and saved our son's life. So, we gave him the medal."
The vagrant is amazed and says "Well, how about that silver medal?"
The farmer says more...

Sing the Batman theme incessantly. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..." If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. Speak only in a "robot" voice. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Sniffle incessantly. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. Name your dog "Dog." Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions more...