Pen Jokes

If the pen is mightier than the sword, in a duel I'll let you have the pen.

Tom: Do You Write With Your Left Hand Or Your Right Hand? Bob: Neither I Write With A Ball-Point Pen.

Q: What's a practical nurse?
A: A nurse who marries a wealthy, terminally ill patient. A nurse asks the doctor if she can borrow his pen. The nurse says, "Doctor, you just gave me a thermometer."
The doctor replied, "God damn it! Some asshole's got my pen!" Many people are in line at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter is processing them very slowly. After a while, a man with a doctor's bag walks past everybody, nods to St. Peter and walks in.
One irate man walks up to St. Peter and says, "How come that doctor gets to go in while the rest of us wait?"
St. Peter replied, "That's not a doctor, that's God. He just likes to play doctor sometimes. Q: What does it mean to go on the Scarsdale Diet?
A: You shoot your doctor and then spend the rest of your life eating bread and water.

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

The pen is mightier than the sword -- if the sword is very small and the pen is real sharp.

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

Call me insane one more time and I'll eat your other eye!

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get us out?

The trouble with doing nothing is that you never know when you are finished.

Money isn't everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to' write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great... some asshole's got my pen."