Penalties Jokes

One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

"Did you murder the victim?" asked the Prosecutor.
"No, I did not!" answered the defendant.
"Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?" the Prosecutor asked.
"I certainly do... and they're a hell of a lot better than the penalty for murder!" the defendant answered.

Breeder's Cup organizers will have stiffer penalties for anyone caught doping their horse. The jockey riding John Daly has already bowed out.

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent: Oil Change $20. 00 Coffee $1. 00 Total $21. 00

Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50. 00.
2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20. 00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.
5) Find jack stands under kids pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms more...