Penalty Jokes / Recent Jokes
* The term "bank teller" originated in the wake of the 1929 stock market crash, when banks began hiring low-paid workers to "tell" throngs of frantic depositors that their money was gone.
* Scandinavian berserkers used to cut out their eyes before battle to spare themselves the sight of the carnage they invariably wrought.
* The city of Slaughter, Texas (population: 11, 284), has never had a homicide occur within its boundaries.
* Rubbing Tabasco on one's upper lip before bedtime is an effective temporary cure for sleep apnea.
* British pop singer Baby Spice is the great-great-great-great-great-great-grandniece of Archduke William Pinkley-Hogue of Standishfordshire, making her 103rd in line for the throne of England.
* Moths are unable to fly during an earthquake.
* When in heat, female hippopotami secrete an oil with a flavor similar to strawberries. Kalahari bushmen use the oil to make flat-bread more...
This guy's wife was always wanting to go golfing with him and he
said he didn't think she would enjoy it. She kept pressuring
him and finally he gave in.
So they're on the golf course and on the first hole the guy hits
one 300 yards down the middle of the fairway, hits his second
shot three feet from the pin, and putts for a birdie. This
lucky streak continues and he birdies 5 straight holes.
Then they get to the 6th hole. He takes his driver and hooks
one way out into the left rough behind a barn. They search and
search and find the ball, and he says to his wife, "I'll just
take a penalty and drop the ball out in the fairway."
His wife says, "Wait a minute!" She walks over to the barn and
opens the door on one end and then goes to the other end and
opens that door too. She says, "Look, honey, you can see the
hole from here! The way you've been playing, just hit through
the barn and you'll do more...
Q: What is the penalty for suicide in Sweden? A: Life in prison.
Dear Bank Manager,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in place for eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness.
No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 1999, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater more...
The death penalty is getting harder to enforce because doctors are refusing to oversee lethal injections. Said one doctor, "Killing people on purpose just looks bad on the resume."