Penalty Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear Bank Manager,I am writing to thank you for bouncing the check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations some three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check, and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has only been in
place for eight years.You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account with $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience I caused to your bank. My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. You have set me on the path of fiscal righteousness.No more will our relationship be blighted by these unpleasant incidents, for I am restructuring my affairs in 2005, taking as my model the procedures, attitudes and conduct of your very bank. I can think of no greater more...
Professional sports, except ice polo and hockey, must obtain a license to play games on Sunday. It is considered an offense to throw pickle juice on a trolley. It is illegal to challenge someone to a duel, or accept a duel, even it it is never actually fought. Penalty: Imprisonment for one to seven years. Impersonating a town sealer, auctioneer, corder of wood, or a fence-viewer is against the law. Penalty: $20 to $100 fine. It is illegal to place a windmill within twenty-five (25) rods of any traveled street or road. Riding a horse over any public highway for the purpose of racing, or testing the speed of the horse is illegal. Penalty: Maximum $20 fine and imprisonment for 10 days. It is illegal to coast downhill in your car with your transmission in neutral, or with the clutch disengaged. Newport: You cannot smoke a pipe after sunset. Providence: You may not sell toothpaste and a toothbrush to the same customer on a Sunday.
The Titans are upset that a delay-of-game penalty was not called during the Ravens winning drive last Sunday. So much time had elapsed on that play, Jeff Fisher actually grew back his mullet.
Question: What's the penalty for bigamy? Answer: Two mothers-in-law
Q: Under law, what is the maximum penalty for bigamy?
A: Two mothers-in-law.
Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois? The first offense they give you Bears tickets and the second offense they make you use them.
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