Perfect Jokes / Recent Jokes

The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a handsome smile
And keeps his car so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
A good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings to you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry
Or hurt you in any way
Oh, fuck this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay.

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical, tell jokes, sing, and stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

The perfect man is gentle,
And never cruel or mean.
He has a perfect smile,
And is always neat and clean.The Perfect Man likes children,
And will raise them by your side.
He will be a caring father,
And good husband to his bride.The Perfect Man loves cooking,
He will clean and vacuum too.
He'll do what's in his power
To show his deep-felt love for you.The Perfect Man is sweet,
Writing poems with your name;
He's a best friend to your mother,
And will kiss away your pain.He never has made you cry
Or caused you hurt in any way.
To hell with this endless poem and rhyme,
The Perfect Man is gay.

The Perfect Woman would say:
1. I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.
2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink?
3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!
4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome!
5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!
6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?
7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.
8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.
10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
12. I'll be out painting the house.
13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.
14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!
15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes more...

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends."The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

The Perfect Woman would say: 1. I'll swallow it all... I love the taste.2. Are you sure you've had enough to drink? 3. I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy! 4. Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tammy over for a threesome! 5. God..if I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust! 6. I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again? 7. You're so sexy when you're hungover.8. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.9. Let's subscribe to Hustler.10. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend? 11. Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.12. I'll be out painting the house.13. I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday too.14. Honey..our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see! 15. I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house.16. No, No, I'll take the car to have the oil more...

Score 1600 on the SAT.
Play the violin or piano on the level of a concert performer.
Apply to and be accepted by 27 colleges.
Have three hobbies: studying, studying, and studying.
Go to a prestigious Ivy League university and win enough scholarship to pay for it.
Love classical music and detest talking on the telephone.
Become a Westinghouse, Presidential, and eventually a Rhodes Scholar.
Aspire to be a brain surgeon.
Marry Asian-American doctor and have perfect, successful children (grandkids for ahma and ah-gongh!)
Love to hear stories about your parents' childhood... especially the one about walking 7 miles to school without shoes.