Perhaps Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Perverse Guide To Getting HiredChapter 1 - The Resume Your resume is a crucial document that summarises theessence of your being to a potential employer. You must graba personnel director's attention with your sheer, overpoweringwonderfulness, or your vitae will wind up lining the bottom ofher parakeet's cage. Write a boring resume and you might as wellrun down now and join the other unemployed grads behind theappliance store, fighting for the choicest refrigerator carton tolive in. To grab an employer's jaded eye you must create the writtenequivalent of a banshee wail! Print your resume on hunter'sorange paper, so it nearly leaps out of the stack. Experimentwith striking fonts, and use as many as possible. Writing yourname in 2 inch high 3-D Western style letters at the top says"Check ME out! I'm no shrinking violet!" Sprinkle a bit of yourmost sensual cologne on the sheet, and ladies, be sure to add agood lipstick smooch mark at the bottom. Don't forget yourpicture, more...

Perhaps you know why women over fifty dont have babies. They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume."This is called' Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 perounce.""Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't wantsomething called' Perhaps'; I want something called..."You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some! !"

New office policy announced:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas
and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
SO...........
TRY SAYING "Perhaps I can work late."
INSTEAD OF "When the fuck do you expect me to do this?"
TRY SAYING "I'm certain that is not feasible."
INSTEAD OF "No fucking way!!
TRY SAYING "Really?"
INSTEAD OF more...

The clerk showed the guy the store's most expensive perfume.
"This is called 'Perhaps,'" said the sales clerk.
"It's $285 per ounce."
"Listen," the guy shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't want something called 'Perhaps'; I want something called, "You Can Bet Your Happy ASS You'll Get Some!"

The clerk showed the man the store's most expensive perfume."This is called 'Perhaps'," said the sales clerk. "It's $285 perounce.""Listen," the man shot back, "for $285 an ounce, I don't wantsomething called 'Perhaps'; I want something called..."You Can Bet Your Sweet Ass You'll Get Some !!"

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said,"A penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'... perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.
The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin... perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."
"Well, uh I was thinkin... perhaps its aboot time you let me poot ma hand on your more...