Perhaps Jokes / Recent Jokes

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the
Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about
the way of life there.
REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering
material for a documentary about the way of life in the
remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an
interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you??
SCOTSMAN: Certainly...
REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?
SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round
here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't.
You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built
more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald
the Croftbuilder? No, they don't.
And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made
several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,
they don't.
But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with more...

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of the
Scottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary about
the way of life there.
REPORTER:
Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering
material for a documentary about the way of life in the
remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an
interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you?
SCOTSMAN:
Certainly...
REPORTER:
Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name?
SCOTSMAN:
Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round
here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't.
You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built
more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald
the Croftbuilder? No, they don't.
And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made
several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No,
they don't.
But, I tell you, a more...

A roving reporter from the BBC was touring a remote part of theScottish Highlands looking for material for a documentary aboutthe way of life there.REPORTER: Hello there, excuse me, I'm from the BBC and I'm gathering material for a documentary about the way of life in the remote parts of the Scottish Highlands. You look like an interesting fellow, perhaps I could interview you? SCOTSMAN: Certainly... REPORTER: Well, perhaps you could start by telling me your name? SCOTSMAN: Well now there's a story. Y'know I deliver the mail round here, but do they call me Donald the Postman? No they don't. You see those fine crofts up on the hill there, well, I built more than half of them myself, but do they call me Donald the Croftbuilder? No, they don't. And did you pass the nets down in the harbour? Well, I made several of them, but do they call me Donald the Netmaker? No, they don't. But, I tell you, a moment's weakness with just ONE sheep....

Having problems remembering things, an elderly couple went to their doctor to make sure there was nothing wrong with them. After examining them, the doctor told them that physically they were fine, but they may want to start writing things down to help them remember.
Later that evening while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked him where he was going.
"To the kitchen," he replied.
"Would you get me a bowl of ice cream?" she asked. "Perhaps you should write it down so you'll remember."
"I can remember that," he said.
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries on top," she said. "Perhaps you'd better write that down because I know you'll forget."
"I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries," he replied.
"Well, I'd also like some whipped cream on top," she said. "I know you'll forget that, so perhaps you'd better write it more...

The British Government's policy of socialized medicine has
recently been broadened to include a service called "Proxy Fathers". Under
the Government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant
through the first five years of her marriage may request a service of a
proxy father, a government employee who attempts to solve the couple's
problem by impregnating the wife.
The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and a proxy father is
due to arrive. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I am off. The Government
man should be here soon." Moments later a salesperson rings the bell......
Ms. Smith: "Good morning"
Salesman: "Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to....."
Ms. Smith: "No need to explain, I've been expecting you"
Salesman: "Really? Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies,
especially twins"
Ms. Smith: "That's what more...

We’re back in 1976 and I am in sixth grade. And much to my initial delight, Miss Rotenberg (the emetic virago assigned to teach the little ones French) is absent (perhaps she fell off her broomstick?). Instead, we have a substitute teacher – a large, lumpy fellow who bears an uncanny resemblance to Mr. Potato Head.

I cannot recall his real name, but it didn’t matter since he had his own special ID for my class. “I’m the Answer Man!” he declared with the enthusiasm one associates with the discovery of gold or a life-saving pill. “Ask me any question you have and I will answer it!”

My class, which was never challenged by Miss Rotenberg’s prattling, suddenly became animated with the glory of being asked to participate in something that was genuinely fun and perhaps a bit daring – it was unusual for an adult to lay down an intellectual challenge to a sixth grade class.

To his credit, the Answer Man kept his word – he did answer the more...

A Story to tell your children……..
Once upon a time, in the Valley of Silicon, the two-headed Wizard of Apples went for a walk. The two heads, both of which were named Steve, looked around, and spied a beautiful PARC.
“This is truly a beautiful PARC! ” Steve exclaimed.
“Yes, it is, ” agreed Steve. “It is very graphical. And do you see how happy the mice are? ” For indeed, the joyful rodents scampered about, running in and out of windows, around icons, and leaping over the garbage cans.
“Do you think we could make a PARC as beautiful as this? ” Steve asked.
“Nay, ” said Steve. “Not a PARC, but perhaps we can let this inspire us to build a woman. And we could call her… Gertrude. ”
And so they fashioned their woman, but instead of Gertrude, they called her Lisa. And she, too, was nice to mice. But alas, the User rejected Lisa, for it was said her price was too high.
“But this will never do, ” the User cried. “Do you more...