Period Jokes / Recent Jokes
A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you. B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!! C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before. D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained? E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her more...
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.
"It's a period,'' said the little boy.
"Well, I can see that,'' she said,' 'but what is so exciting about a period?''
''Damned if I know,'' said the little boy,' 'but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."
Pause: A short period in an individual voice in which there should be relative quiet. Useful when turning to the next page in the score, breathing, emptying the horn of salvia, coughing, etc. Is rarely heard in baroque music. Today the minimum requirements for pauses in individual pieces are those of the Musicians' Union (usually one per bar, or 15 minutes per hour).
Score: A pile of all the individual orchestral voices, transposed to C so that nobody else can understand anything. This is what conductors follow when they conduct, and it's assumed that they have studied it carefully. Very few conductors can read a score.
Messiah: An oratorio by Handel performed every Christmas by choirs that believe they are good enough, in cooperation with musicians who need the money.
Gregorian chant: A way of singing in unison, invented by monks to hide snoring.
Atonality: Disease that many modern composers suffer from. The most prominent symptom is the patient's lacking ability to more...
One day a woman, pregnant with triplets, was walking down a road when a bank robbery was happening. Just as she was going passed the bank, she was shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to hospital and they managed to save the lives of her children (two girl sand a boy) and hers. Fourteen years later, one of her daughters came running out of the bathroom and screamed to her mother, she said, "Mom, I've just had a period and a bullet came out."
So her mother sat her down and explained what happened.
A couple of days later her second daughter came running out the bathroom again screaming that she too had a period and a bullet came out. So again, she explained the story.
Finally, a few days later, her only son comes running out of the bathroom.
The mother says, "Let me guess. You've had a crap and found a bullet in the toilet."
"No," shouts the boy, "I've just wacked off and shot the dog."
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a more...
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help. "What kind of pads should I get?" she says. "This is all new to me." "Well," says the clerk, "that depends on the flow."She says, "Its ceramic tile."