Person Jokes / Recent Jokes

(tip: don't try these if you're not willing to risk being beaten up) 1. Poke the person next to you repeatedly with your fork. If they try to retaliate, curl into a ball and start crying for your mother. 2. This only works if the person has their back to you. Select a single strand of hair from the person's head and pull gently. When they reach up to touch their hair or try to turn around, look at the ceiling or pretend to read the menu. Repeat constantly. 3. Tap your fingernails on the table top, ignoring any evil stares that come your way. (This works anywhere, not just restaurants.) 4. Hug yourself and rock backwards and forwards in your seat whilst muttering incoherantly. This will not only completely embarrass those at your table, it is also extremely annoying. 5. Help yourself to other people's meals. If they complain, pretend to stick your fingers down your throat and ask them if they'd like their food back.

When a person wants to believe something, it doesn't take much to convince them.

To determine YOUR personality. Check the gift you'd most like to get.
Candy
Flowers
A sweet poem
Sex
Dinner/Dancing
Waffle iron
If you answered...
CANDY, It means that...
You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share...
OR
you're a selfish chocoholic who values a sugar high over everything even true love.
FLOWERS, It means that...
You love the beauty of nature, the scent of flowers and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture...
OR
you get some twisted joy out of watching vegetation wither and die.
A SWEET POEM, It means that...
You're a hopeless romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word...
OR
you're used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the power and beauty of the written word.
SEX, It means that...
You are a passionate soul, a free spirit who is not afraid to express your more...

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, 2. Going to meetings.Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you more...

Top Ten Guiness Records No One Wants To Break
10. Longest-Running Show on CBS
9. Least-Jiggy Human
8. Sweatiest Palm
7. Most Freakish Person Named "Michael Jackson"
6. Most Times in "Price Is Right" Audience Without Being Asked to "Come On Down"
5. Greatest Number of Obscene Phone Calls Received From Tom Bosley
4. Most Times Hit In Face By a Goose While Riding A Roller Coaster
3. First Person To Circle Earth in Wet Corduroy
2. Longest-Running Marriage to Dennis Rodman
1. Longest Fingernails (On Someone Who Doesn't Realize Their Fly Is Open)

Teacher To Ramu: What Is A Person Who Collects Stamp Called? Ramu: A Philatelist Teacher To Shamu: What Is A Person Who Collects Coins Called? Shamu: A Beggar...

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"