Person Jokes / Recent Jokes

In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a
man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no
thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of
thumb"
Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented.
It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and
thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime
time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the
U.S.Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can
hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The State with the highest percentage of people who
walk to work: Alaska
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now
get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness:
38%
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of
eleven: $6,400
The more...

A very homely person made an appointment with a psychiatrist. The homely person walked into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, I'm so depressed and lonely. I don't have any friends, no one will come near me, and everybody laughs at me. Can you help me accept my ugliness?"
"I'm sure I can," the psychiatrist replied. "Just go over and lie face down on that couch."

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In 1875 the director of the US patent office resigned. He said that there was nothing left to invent
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The Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters each year
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The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle
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Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name
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On average, a person has two million sweat glands
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Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
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Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
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Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
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The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples
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97% of the earth's water is undrinkable
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The Earth gets heavier each day by tons, as meteoric dust settles on it
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All babies are color blind when they are more...

I heard this from my uncle John Herbert. You can't offend anyone with it.
A telephone sales person makes a call to an unknown prospect and
a very small, very soft, very quiet, and obviously young person
answers the phone.
Sales person: Hello, may I speak to the man of the house please?
Youngster: (whispering) No, he's busy.
Sales person: Well then, can I please speak to your mother?
Youngster: (in a whisper) She's busy too.
Sales person: I see, how about your brother? Can I speak to him?
Youngster: (whispering) No. He's busy too.
Sales person: (losing patience) Is your sister there? Can I talk to her?
Youngster: (in a whisper) She's busy too.
Sales person: ( by now quite exasperated) What are all these people
doing that keeps them so busy?!!!
Youngster: (still whispering) Looking for me.

One person was enjoying sun on a beach in UK and he hardly managed English.
A lady was passing him and asked him, "Are you relaxing"
The person answered' " No I am Amda"
Few minutes later another Guy Came and asked the same question.
The person answered "No.. No... Me Amda Singh"
Third one came and asked the same question?
Amda was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While he was walking he saw another person was enjoying the Beach. He went and asked
him " Are you Relaxing?" The other person answered, "Yes I am relaxing”.
Then Amda angrily said “Idiot everyone is looking for you. You are here!!!!!

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton or McAfee cannot take care of this one. It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1950.

Symptoms:

1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail.

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment.

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished.

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND."

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."

IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS."

A person who makes no mistakes, generally makes nothing.