Pet Jokes / Recent Jokes

What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping.

At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied equally fast, using his paws with dexterity. They were impressed, purchased the animal, and went home.

That night they had friends over. They were so proud of their new fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called in the dog and showed off a little.

The friends were impressed and asked whether the dog was able to do any of the usual dog tricks as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they hadn't thought about "normal" tricks.

Well, they said. "Let's try this out." Once more they called the dog and they clearly pronounced the command, "Heel!"

Quick as a more...

Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don`t need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That`s a bunch of baloney, fish can`t do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O. K. I`ve got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, more...

An elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not much trouble. The pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her and guaranteed her it would be a wonderful companion. The woman asked if it would behave if she took it to church with her on Sundays. The owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. She bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him. Assured that he spoke properly and was well behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church. Just as everyone quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked and said, "It's goddamned cold in here!" Everyone turned to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarrassment! All the next week, she talked to the parrot explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church. The parrot understood so she put him on her shoulder and went to church the following Sunday. Once again, just more...

An elderly gent was invited to his old friends’ home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms - calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The couple had been married almost 70 years, and it seemed they were still very much in love. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the man leaned over and said to his buddy, “I think it’s wonderful that, after all the years you’ve been married, you still call your wife those loving pet names. ” The old man hung his head. “I have to tell you the truth, he said. “I forgot her name about ten years ago.

A woman walking past a pet shop sawa a sign that said "tit sucking frogs".
She went in to buy one and the Pet shop owner gave her a little green frog.
She took it home, got undressed, and waited for the frog. Nothing happened.
She calls up the pet shop owner and comes around to her house. He picks up the frog and says, " Now this is the last time I'm going to show you how to do this"