Pews Jokes

Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests
See if a yawn really is contagious
Slap your neighbour. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the priest
Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs
Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet. You may get stuck on 'Q' unless your preacher is preaching against homosexuality.
Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.
Using church notice-sheets or newcomers cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the lavatory.
Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary more...

Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests. See if a yawn really is contagious.
Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.
Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.
Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B' and so on through the alphabet.
Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front.
Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.
Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite more...

The brand-new pastor and his wife, newly assigned to their first ministry, to reopen a church in suburban Brooklyn, arrived in early October excited about their opportunities. When they saw their church, it was very run down and needed much work. They set a goal to have everything done in time to have their first service on Christmas Eve. They worked hard, repairing pews, plastering walls, painting, etc. and on Dec. 18 were ahead of schedule and just about finished. On Dec. 19 a terrible tempest--a driving rainstorm-- hit the area and lasted for two days.

On the 21st, the pastor went over to the church. His heart sank when he saw that the roof had leaked, causing a large area of plaster about 20 feet by 8 feet to fall off the front wall of the sanctuary just behind the pulpit, beginning about head high. The pastor cleaned up the mess on the floor, and not knowing what else to do but postpone the Christmas Eve service, headed home. On the way he noticed that a local business more...

The service was about to start. Everyone was in their pews chatting about their families, jobs, etc. when suddenly Satan appeared in the front of the church.

Panic ensued. In their rush to get out the back doors, people jumped over pews, trampled one another, and flew through the doors at record speeds. When the dust settled the only ones in the auditorium are Satan and one older gentleman, who did not seem at all concerned that Satan was standing directly in front of him.

Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"

To which the older gentleman replied, "Yup. Sure do."

Satan: "Aren't you afraid of me?"

Older gentleman: "Nope, sure ain't."

Satan was quite perturbed at this so he got right in the man's face and asked, "And would you mind telling me why not?" The older gentleman replied, "Been married to your sister for more...

Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.
See if a yawn really is contagious. Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher. Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs. Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with' A' then' B' and so on through the alphabet. Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every marble that made it to the front. Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes. Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed. Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room. Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn. Chew gum; if the sermon more...