Phrase Jokes / Recent Jokes
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka! [I found it!] but rather,hmm.... that's funny...'
Don't Forget to read the "Fine Print"
PRE-RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT:
The party of the first part (herein referred to as "she"), being of sound mind and pretty good body, agrees to the following with the party of the second part (herein referred to as "him") being of sound mind and a bit overweight body:
1) FULL DISCLOSURE: At the commencement of said relationship (colloquially referred to as the "first date"), each party agrees to fully disclose any current girl/boyfriends, dependent children, bizarre religious beliefs, phobias, fears, social diseases, strange political affiliations, or currently active relationships with anyone else that have not yet terminated. Further, each party agrees to make known any deep-seated complexes and/or fanatical obsessions with pets, careers, and/or organized sports. Failure to make these disclosures will result in the immediate termination of said relationship before it has a more...
The following phrase:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA can be rearranged (with no letters
left over, and using each letter only once) into:
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
Coincidence? I think not!
The following phrase:PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA can be rearranged (with no lettersleft over, and using each letter only once) into:TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNSCoincidence? I think not!
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry more...
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories - those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don't worry more...
The Speed of Time by Age 0-9 Extremely slow. Even a trip to the store with Mom seems like going to Albania - by covered wagon. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas yet?"10-19 Still slow. Scientific evidence seems to show that school clocks actually move backwards just before the bell rings.20-29 Alternately fast and slow. Weekends seem shorter and shorter, yet paychecks seem further and further apart.30-39 Time achieves warp speed, except when put on hold on the telephone and forced to endure anything longer than 5 seconds of Muzak. Most common phrase: "Is it Christmas already?"40-49 Still fast. Seems like just yesterday when Jerry Brown said he might run for President. Wait a minute! It WAS yesterday when he said that. Also, Dick Clark still looks the same. Could time be slowing down? 60-69 Hey! What happened to 50-59? 70 + Unbelievably fast. Wars used to last years. Now it seems like they're over in a couple weeks.