Phrase Jokes / Recent Jokes
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example...
The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers more...
Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example...The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."The American slogan more...
Abbreviation #1: whrthfckuben?
Previously long phrase: "Goodness, it's been a long time since we've chatted, hasn't it?"
Abbreviation #2: utypliksht
Previously long phrase: "Say, have you heard that there is a new Evelyn Wood's speed-typing course?"
Abbreviation #3: ugoturhdupyrass?
Previously long phrase: "Are you sure about that?"
Abbreviation #4: sowenugtoutofjail?
Previously long phrase: "So, what have you been up to lately, Bugs?"
Abbreviation #5: tkurabbrevsandshuvem
Previously long phrase: "Wouldn't you rather just type the whole phrase out?"
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Editor's Note: Sound' em out...
An anagram, as you all know, is a word or phrase made by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever.
Note the word and then the re-arranged letters:
Dormitory... Dirty Room
Desperation... A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code... Here come Dots
Slot Machines... Cash Lost in' em
Animosity... Is No Amity
Mother-in-law... Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms... Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness... Genuine Class
Semolina... Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries... Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point... I'm a Dot in Place
Eleven plus two... Twelve plus one
Contradiction... Accord not in it
Astronomer... Moon Starer
Princess Diana... End Is A Car Spin
Year Two Thousand... A Year To Shut Down
Phrase statements as questions. Instead of telling Ida she looks gorgeous, ask her, "How stunning do you have to look?"
Instead of answering questions definitely, answer with another question. When someone asks how you feel, answer, "How should I feel?"
Whenever possible, end questions with "or what?" This allows the other person to interject another question: "Has she grown up, or what?"; "Can you remember when she was just a baby, or what?" (About now, a spontaneous rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" should be expected.)
Begin questions with "What?" Example: "What, my kishka's not good enough for you?"
Drop last word in sentence (which is typically a direct or indirect object): "What, do you want to get killed going alone? Ira will go with" (drop "you").
Move subject to end of sentences: "Is SHE getting heavy, that Esther?"
Use "that" as a more...
When to Propose... Or Not
Men who can answer "yes" to five or more of these questions should consider carefully before proposing marriage.
* In the kitchen, has she ever referred to an oven as "that square thing?"
* Does she use the phrase "you know" more than twice per sentence?
* Is she making monthly payments of more than $300 to a plastic surgeon.
* Have you noticed her name tattoed on three or more local bikers?
* Have you noticed three or more local bikers' names tattooed on her?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to an old boyfriend's?
* Does she regularly compare your love-making talents to the Green Bay Packers?
* Does she have a wholesale source for Deodorant-in-a-Drum?
* Has she ever used the word poo-poo?
* If forced to use it at all, does she choose to spell the word sex?
* Does her resume include a more...
A woman told her doctor she was so flat chested men had little interest in her. No one had even asked her for a date and she was getting desperate.
The doctor told her about a series of exercises that would help solve her problem. The only catch was they had to be done for 15 minutes every day without fail. She was to put her hands in her armpits and bend her elbows backwards as far as she could. This would enlarge her pectoral muscles and help solve her problem.
The doctor also said it would be good to exercise at the same time every day and would help maintain a certain rhythm if she repeated this little phrase while exercising, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust."
She opted to exercise at 2 p.m. each day and happened to be waiting for the bus at the designated time. While she was exercising and repeating the exercise phrase, she felt a tap on her shoulder and a man behind her asked if she knew what time it was.
She indicated it was 2:05 p.m. and he more...