Physical Jokes / Recent Jokes

Element name: WOMAN. Symbol: WO. Atomic weight:' Don't even go there'. Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element: MAN. Symbol: XY. Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50). Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to more...

The general went to the doctor for a physical. Before he began, the doctor asked him the standard questions -- age, height, weight, and then he asked when was the last time the general had sex.'Oh,' he mused,' It was 1945.''Isn't that a long time to go without sex?' the doctor asked.'I don't think so. According to your clock it's only 21: 13.'

Q: How many physical chemists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll change it three times, plot a straight line through the data, and then extrapolate to zero concentration.
"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
Isaac Asimov said that if you want to find a chemist, ask him/her to discuss the following words: 1) mole 2) unionized. As he so eloquently put it, "If he starts talking about furry animals and organized labor, keep walking."
Make it myself? But I'm a physical organic chemist!
Definition: (Fe)male: Male with iron added, for greater strength, ductility, and magnetisim.
Acid is base.
Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much?
A: They're cheaper than day rates.
"Scale keeps forming inside the kettle", complained Tom, recalcitrantly.

Chemical analysis of human elementsElement name: WOMAN.Symbol: WO.Atomic weight: `Don`t even go there`.Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum,and precious gemstones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turnsslightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.Element: MAN.Symbol: XY.Atomic weight: (180 +/- 50).Physical properties: Solid at room temperature. Gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to age and rust, older samples are unable to conduct electricity as well as younger samples.Chemical more...

The physical training instructor was drilling a platoon of soldiers.

"I want every man to lie on his back, put his legs in the air and move them as though he were riding a bicycle," he explained. "Now begin!"

After a few minutes, one of the men stopped.

"Why did you stop. Smith?" demanded the officer.

"If you please, sir," said Smith, "I'm freewheeling for a while."

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?" George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get upin the middle of the night, poof!... the light goes on and I go to thebathroom and then poof! the light goes off!""Wow," commented Dr. Smith,' That's incredible!"A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call youbecause I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?" Thelma replied, "Oh God! He's peeing in the fridge again!"

Seventy year old George went for his annual physical. All of his tests came back with great results. Dr. Smith said, "George everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally, emotionally and are you at peace with your self and have a good relationship with God?"George replied, "God and me are tight. We are so close that when I get upin the middle of the night, poof!...the light goes on and I go to thebathroom and then poof! the light goes off!""Wow," commented Dr. Smith, 'That's incredible!"A little later in the day Dr. Smith called George's wife. "Thelma," he said, "George is just fine. Physically he's great. But I had to call youbecause I'm in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night and poof! The light goes on in the bathroom and then poof! The light goes off?"Thelma replied, "Oh God! He's peeing in the fridge again!"