Physicist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A mathematician, a physicist, and a statistician go out on a duck hunt. They have only one gun. The come across some geese and the mathematician quickly calculates the distance, the velocity, the angle, etc. and shoots.
Well, he misses by a foot to the LEFT!
They come across geese again, and this time the physicist takes the gun. After calculating all the angles, flight paths, velocities, etc. the physicist also takes into consideration the gravity, air frictions, and such things... and fires!
Well, s/he misses by a foot to the RIGHT!
The statistician jumps up and down, yelling, "We got'em! We got'em!"
A mathmatician, a physicist, and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume.
The mathmatician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.
The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in the water, and measured the total displacement.
The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason (long logical explanation follows)." In the middle of it, the experimentalist says "Wait a minute", studies the chart for a second, and says, "Oops, this is upside down." He fixes it. "Hmmm," says the theorist, "you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...".
A Princeton plasma physicist is at the beach when he discovers an ancient looking oil lantern sticking out of the sand. He rubs the sand off with a towel and a genie pops out. The genie offers to grant him one wish. The physicist retrieves a map of the world from his car an circles the Middle East and tells the genie, "I wish you to bring peace in this region".
After 10 long minutes of deliberation, more...
Farmer smith was not satisfied with the yield of his milk cows, so he decided to called in an animal psychologist, an engineer and a physicist to try and improve matters. All three inspected the farm and the cows and made there recommendations.
The animal psychologist went first, "If you paint the milking shed green the cows will be happier and happy cows will give more milk."
Then came the turn of the engineer. "If you narrow the milking stalls by 10 centimetres you will be able to add an extra stall and thus be able to milk an extra cow in the same time."
Farmer Smith was very happy so far, now it came to the turn of the physicist. He got out a black board and started drawing an elaberate diagram. Then he started to talk:
"First, consider the Cow as a sphere, radius r."
You probably have to have studied physics to get the joke!
Three people are stranded on a small island. One is a physicist, one is a circus strongman, and one is an economist. After a few days of surviving on fruit, they discover a cache of canned food, and they have to decide how to open it. The physicist says to the strongman "Why don't you climb that tree, and smash the cans down on the rocks, and burst them open?"
The strongman says, "No, that would spatter the stuff all over. I can open the cans with my teeth!"
The economist says "First, we must assume that we have a can opener."