Physicist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young physicist, upon learning that he was denied tenure after six productive years at a University in San Francisco, requested a meeting with the Provost for an explanation, and a possible appeal.
At the meeting, the Provost told the young physicist, " I'm sorry to tell you that the needs of the University have shifted somewhat, during the past six-years leading up to your tenure decision. In point of fact, what we now require is a female, condensed-matter experimentalist. Unfortunately, you are a male, high-energy theorist!"
Dejected but not defeated, the young physicist thought for a moment about the implications of the Provost's words. " Sir," he said, "I would be willing to convert in two of the three categories you mention, but. .. I'll never agree to become an experimentalist!"
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.
The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were sitting in a street caf
A mathematician, an engineer and a physicist sat around a table discussing how to measure the volume of a cow. The mathematician suggested the use of geometry and symmetry relationships of the cow, but his idea was rejected on the grounds of being too time consuming. The engineer suggested placing the cow in a pool of water and measuring the change in the height of the water, but his idea was rejected on the grounds of im practicality. "It's easy," said the physicist. " We'll make an asumption that the cow is a small sphere, calculate the volume and then blow it up to the actual size."
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced." The Mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again!"
A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve.A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the centre line. They were instructed to advance in stages towards the centre line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the centre line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.i.e.: If the starting distance from the wall to centre line was D, the progressive series of distances at t = 0, 10 seconds, 20 seconds...10n seconds to the centre line is (D, D/2, D/4, D/8,. ....D/2n)The question is, when will they meet at the middle?The mathematician said that they would never meet. The physicist said they would meet when time equals infinity. The engineer said that in one minute they would be close enough for all practical purposes.