Physicist Jokes / Recent Jokes

You enter the laboratory and see an experiment. How will you know which class is it?

If it's green and wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution.
"No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material. Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:"I define myself to be on the outside."

Teachers' remarks that changed the history of physics.

Archimedes, you are late again. Don't tell me that you were locked again in the bathroom.

Copernicus, when will you understand that you are not the center of the world?

Galileo, if you will drop stones from the top of the tower one more time, you will be dismissed forever.

Kepler, till when will you stare at the sky?

Newton, will you please stop idling away under the apple tree?

Volta, I can see you have a lot of potential.

Ohm, must you resist Ampère's opinions on current events?

Nikola Tesla, I see that everyone is attracted to your magnetic personality.

Einstein, a crocodile is greener or is it wider?

Schrödinger, stop abusing cats!

Heisenberg, when will you be sure of yourself?

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

Gravity was discovered by Sir Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

When people run around and around in circles, we say they are crazy. When planets do it, we say they are orbitting.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.

The moon is more useful than the sun, because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don't need it.

To remove air from a flask, fill it with water, tip the water out, and put the cork in quick before the air can get back in.

Isn't it meaningless to speak of a 45 degrees angle unless you specify Fahrenheit or Celcius?

An object at more...

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep, but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:"I define myself to be on the outside."