Physics Jokes / Recent Jokes
Milk drinkers' behaviors / The Physics of Law...
Not a bunch of goody-goodies, the folks at the California Milk Processor Board want you to think raunchy, think wanton, think naughty, think milk. A survey for June, National Dairy Month, reports hidden milk drinkers' behaviors: When no one is looking, 59 percent of Californians admit to slugging directly from the carton. A sheepish 31 percent have finished the last of the milk and put the empty carton back in the refrigerator. An embarrassed 39 percent report that they have, on occasion, blown milk out their noses. While a co-worker slaves away at his desk, 22 percent have "borrowed" someone else's milk from the office refirgerator. A smug 14 percent say that they have made milk a part of their sex lives. Which leaves 86 percent wondering how the heck they do it. The article continues with....
The Physics of Law...
It's not whether you win or lose, it's where you put your desk. The Association of Defense more...
Physics is like sex. Sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it. — Richard Feynman
(Please don't try this at home)
August, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay
Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.
Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth,' 'I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward's and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket.''
However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics more...
As a premed student at Washington University in St. Louis, I had to take a difficult class in physics. One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
Chemistry is physics without thought.
Mathematics is physics without purpose.
Teachers' remarks that changed the history of physics
Archimedes, you are late again. Don't tell me that you were locked again in the bathroom.
Copernicus, when will you understand that you are not the center of the world?
Galileo, if you will drop stones from the top of the tower one more time, you will be dismissed forever.
Kepler, till when will you stare at the sky?
Newton, will you please stop idling away under the apple tree?
Volta, I can see you have a lot of potential.
Ohm, must you resist Ampère's opinions on current events?
Nikola Tesla, I see that everyone is attracted to your magnetic personality.
Einstein, a crocodile is greener or is it wider?
Schrödinger, stop abusing cats!
Heisenberg, when will you be sure of yourself?
The professors of mathematics and physics were staring away at the flag pole in front of the front of the college building. The professor of English walking by asked, "What seems to be the problem?""We," said the professor of mathematics, "were wondering how to measure the height of this flag pole."The professor of English quickly unscrewed the pole from its moorings, laid it on the ground, whipped out a measuring tape, measured it, and said, "It is exactly 20 feet long," and walked away smoking his pipe.Looking at the English professor's receding back, the professor of physics remarked, "Smart ass. We wanted to know the height, and he tells us the length!"