Piano Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing.
The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.
"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog.
Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. more...
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd? He called the piano tuna!
The young dude in the Old West wanted to be the fastest gunfighter alive.
Sitting in a saloon one night, he spotted an old graybeard who had the reputation of having been the greatest gunslinger of his day. The kid went up to the old man and told him of his dream. The ancient legend looked him up and down and said, "I got a suggestion that's sure to help."
"Tell me, Tell me!" said the young dude.
"Tie the bottom of your holster lower down on your leg."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"You damn betcha," said the old man.
The kid did as he was told, drew his gun, and neatly shot the bow tie off the piano player. "Wow, that really helped! Got any more suggestions?"
"Yeah - If'n you cut a notch in the top of your holster where the hammer hits, the gun'll slide out a lot smoother."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"You damn betcha."
The dude did more...
A man walks into a bar and sits down. He notices a foot-tall piano player playing up a storm.
Man: Hey, this guy's really good! Where'd you get him?
Barkeep: Oh, I have a magic lamp that gives me anything I want.
Man: Can I try?
Barkeep: Sure just rub it and say what you want.
Man (rubbing the lamp): I wish for ten thousand bucks.
* Ten thousand ducks appear *
Man: What the hell happened? I asked for 10,000 BUCKS, not DUCKS!
Barkeep: Think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?
But first a few words about pianists in general, they are intellectuals and know-it-alls. They studied theory, harmony and composition in college. Most are riddled with self-doubt. They are usually bald. They should have big hands, but often don't. They were social rejects as adolescents. They go home after the gig and play with toy soldiers.
Pianists have a special love-hate relationship with singers. If you talk to the piano player during a break, he will condescend.
What do you get if you drop a piano on a teams defence? A flat back four!
German Lesson #7
Dog: Barkenpantensniffer
Dog Catcher: Barkenpantensniffersnatcher
Dog Catcher's Truck: Barkenpantensniffersnatcherwagen
Garage for Truck: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagenhaus
Truck Repairman: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-
mechanikerwerker
Mechanic's Union: Barkenpantensniffensnatcherwagen-
mechanikerwerkerfeatherbedden-
gefixengruppe
Doctor: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker
Nurse: Chestergethumpenpulsentookerhelper
Hypodermic Needle: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-
helperhurtensticker
Backside: Chestergethumpenpulsentooker-
helperhurtenstickerstabbenplatz
Piano: Plinkenplankenplunkenbox
Pianist: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder
Piano Stool: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-
spinnenseat
Piano Recital: Plinkenplankenplunkenboxgepounder-
offengeshowenspelle
Fathers at the Recital: more...