Pick Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do? A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over it, what should I do? A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off? A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my drawing correctly. What should I do? A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch? A: Pick it up and shake it.
Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch drawings? A: Stop shaking it.

Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex
50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"
49. "That would work better the other way around. ."
48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?"
47. "Damn, that's complicated."
46. "Wait, wait, use my pillow."
45. "Alright already, _I_came."
44. "You guys need a value pak."
43. Smoke a pipe. Every once in a while wave it around and say "Good show, old bean."
42. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?"
41. "You've got something stuck in your teeth."
40. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel."
39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote. Point and click. Complain when they don't change positions.
38. "You know, they say that three's a charm."
37. Suggest your favorite position.
36. Shine a flashlight on them and say, "This is a citizen's arrest, more...

Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"49. "That would work better the other way around. ."48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?"47. "Damn, that's complicated."46. "Wait, wait, use my pillow."45. "Alright already, _I_came."44. "You guys need a value pak."43. Smoke a pipe. Every once in a while wave it around and say "Good show, old bean."42. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?"41. "You've got something stuck in your teeth."40. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel."39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote. Point and click. Complain when they don't change positions. 38. "You know, they say that three's a charm."37. Suggest your favorite position. 36. Shine a flashlight on them and say, "This is a citizen's arrest, assume the position."35. "Bring in the Gimp."34. "Hold more...

A friend got married and I, being the best man, decided a humorous practical joke was in order. One of the duties of the best man is to make arrangements for the pick up and return of the groom's tuxedo. After final fitting, rent an extra coat jacket that is either three or four sizes smaller or larger than the groom's. Explain to the tux shop what you're up to. Pick up the groom's fitted coat, switch with the extra rented coat, and deliver to the groom only when it becomes time to actually get dressed. The friend of mine wore a 42 long, but the one I provided was a 38 short. Talk about some serious fun! Don't reveal that you know anything as long as possible.

TEST: * ****************************************************************** DO NOT SKIP AHEAD. Read this message ONE LINE AT A TIME and just do what it says. You will be glad you did. If not, you'll feel like an idiot and wish you had listened. * ******************************************************************1) pick a number from 1-92) subtract 53) multiply by 34) square the number (multiply by the same number -- not square root) and if it's negative make it positive. 5) add the digits until you get only one digit (i. e. 64=6 4= 10= 1 0=1)6) if the number is less than 5, add five. Otherwise subtract 4. 7) multiply by 28) subtract 69) map the digit to a letter in the alphabet 1=A, 2=B, 3=C, etc... 10) pick a name of a country that begins with that letter11) take the second letter in the country name and think of a mammal that begins with that letter12) think of the color of that mammal********************************************************************DO NOT SCROLL DOWN UNTIL YOU more...

How do I know that my youth is all spent? Well, my get up and go has got up and went. But in spite of it all I am able to grin when I recall where my get up has been. Old age is golden-so I`ve heard it said- but sometimes I wonder when I get into bed, with my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup, my eyes on the table until I wake up. Ere sleep dims my eyes I say to myself, "Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?" And I`m happy to say as I close my door, my friends are the same, perhaps even more. When I was young, my slippers were red, I could pick up my heels right over my head. When I grew older, my slippers were blue, but still I could dance the whole night through. But now I am old, my slippers are black, I walk to the store and puff my way back. The reason I know my youth is all spent, my get up and go has got up and went. But I really don`t mind when I think, with a grin, of all the grand places my get up has been. Since I have retired from life`s more...

On a recent vacation, I came upon the following news item in
the March 15 Blue Springs, Missouri, Examiner:
PICK 3
ST. LOUIS-The winning numbers drawn Tuesday night in the daily
Missouri Lottery Pick 3 game were 9-9-9.
A winning $1 ticket with the numbers in the correct order paid $500; a
winning $1 ticket with the numbers in any order paid $160.