Pick Jokes / Recent Jokes

What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas? . .... Nice tooth!

Two guys walk into a bar, and immediately they see someone fall right off his stool, flat on his ass. So they pick him up, and being good Samaritans, decide that this guy’s too drunk to walk by himself, and figure they should walk him home.
So they stand him up and try to get him to walk, but he falls flat on his face. They pick him up, and the guy’s feet are dragging on the ground.
They go a couple of blocks and try to get him to walk again, but nope, he falls flat on his face.
They get him to his apartment eventually, and try to get him to walk up the stairs, but he falls again. So they drag him to his apartment, and knock on his door.
The guy’s wife answers and says “Oh, thanks for bringing my husband back. Where’s his wheelchair? ”

Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?
3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light more...

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?" Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?" Tom: "The smaller piece, of course." Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"

Intelligence Test Instructions:

Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.

1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten.   What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6)  If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where more...

A guy gets up really early in the morning to go ice fishing.

He goes out onto the ice with his tent, his pick and his fishing rod, and starts to pick at the ice.

Then he hears a big booming voice: "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

The guy looks around and then starts to pick at the ice again.

Then he hears the voice again: "THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

Now the guy is getting a little edgy.

He looks up, "God, is that you?"

There is no answer, so he starts picking again.

"THERE'S NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!"

Then the guy yells "God! is that you?"

"NO, IT'S THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK!!"

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time..."Class," said he, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things.... What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!"