Picking Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route. At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, "What's your name?" "Patty" she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus. On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross." Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons. Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty. On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking..."Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!"
Top 10 things NOT to say to parents when picking up a date.
10. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had to stop by the drugstore."
9. "Show me how you used to spank her."
8. "Please come inside? Wow, you sound just like your daughter."
7. "Do you think she would put out if I told her that I loved her?"
6. "I just got my license today."
5. "I believe being sexually active since I was 12 has helped me
mature."
4. "Five bucks says she's a D-cup."
3. "Hey do you have an empty pop can and some matches?"
2. "Hi. I'm Robert, but my friends call me' Back Door Bob.'"
1. "So, does your wife just lay there during sex too?
A husband and wife go visit a marriage counselor. First, the wife speaks to the counselor alone. The counselor asks, "You say you've been married 20 years, so what seems to be the problem?" The wife replies, "It's my husband - he's driving me crazy! I'm going to leave him if he continues!"
"How does he drive you crazy?" "For 20 years," she says, "he's been doing these stupid things. First, whenever we go out, he's always looking at the floor and refuses to go near anyone. It's very embarrassing." The marriage counselor is amused, "Anything else?"
"He keeps picking his nose all the time! Even in public!" "Hmm, anything else?" The wife hesitates, "whenever we're making love, he NEVER lets me be on top! Once in a while, I'd like to be in control!" "Ah," says the counselor, "I think I'll talk to your husband now." So the wife goes out of the room and the husband enters. more...
One Monday morning, Grover picking up the kids along a new bus route.At the first stop, he picked up a fat little girl. Grover asked, "What's your name?" "Patty" she replied. She had a seat in the back of the bus.On the next stop there was a handicapped boy named Ross. All the kids called him "Special Ross."Then a young man named Lester Cheese loaded onto the bus, sat down, took off his shoes and began picking at his bunyons.Finally the last stop came up, and another chubby little girl got on. Grover had never met her, so he asked her her name and her name was also Patty.On the way to school, Grover looked in his mirror and began to laugh, He was thinking..."Dang, I have two obese Patty's, Special Ross, Lester Cheese picking bunyons, on a Sesame Street bus!"
We've all caught someone at sometime picking their nose. Some try to do it in secret. Others do it openly without embarrassment.
Maybe even you have been caught in the act. Nose-picking is one disgusting habit and is certainly not socially acceptable. So, are these people normal? One would guess that this is not the type of thing researched at our institutions of higher learning. Guess again. The Americans did.Of course, scientists must give everyday things complicated scientific names. Nose picking is a term for us common folk. Nose-picking should really be referred to as rhinotillexomania (rhino=nose, tillexis=habit of picking at something, mania=obsession with something). So, the next time that you see a person picking their nose, tell them that they are a rhinotillexomaniac.
The researchers prepared their "Rhinotillexomania Questionnaire"
and randomly mailed it to 1000 residents in Dane County, Wisconsin. Each survey included a cover letter that more...
A man was out of work, and he was combing through the want ads. He saw that a school was looking for a bus driver, so he called and was asked to come for an interview. He got the job, and was surprised when he went out and found that the bus was garishly painted with Big Bird, Bert & Ernie, and Elmo. Still, a job's a job, he thought.
As he went about his route, he stopped and picked up twin girls. These girls were rather portly, and as they entered the bus the first one said, "My name's Patty." The man asked the second twin her name and she said, "My name's Patty also."
Further along, there was a boy who was trying to put on a James Dean-esque cool image. As he got on the bus, he said, "Yo! I'm Leonard T." He sat in the seat right behind the driver, so the driver could see him in his mirror.
They were almost back to the school, and made one last stop. The kid who got on announced, "I'm Ross... and I'm special."
As they made their more...
THE age-old controversy about religion that continues to rage throughout the nation reminded me about a Malayalam story. It goes something like this:
An old man whose son was working in the Gulf sent him a parcel of colourful shirt pieces. In the habit of wearing a konakam, a kind of underwear usually worn by oldies, the old man took the shirt piece, cut it up into konakams and started wearing them. Desirous of showing off his new-found affluence, the old man acquired the strange habit of picking up a corner of his dhoti to display his colourful underwear. When acquaintances asked him about his new konakams, the old man was only too glad to say that his son had sent them all the way from across the seas. One day, the old man, in a hurry to get some errand through, rushed out of home forgetting to wear his Vilayati underwear. On the street, the old gent started on his favourite trick: picking up the corner of his dhoti. The passersby seeing the sight could not help laughing. But more...