Pickup Jokes / Recent Jokes

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about more...

One late evening a redneck named Aldo came out of the local pub a little drunk.He got into his pickup truck and started driving home. He was on a lonely stretch of the road, when all of a sudden a piston blew right through the engine hood. Aldo gets out of his pickup truck, angry as 'hell' and kicks the door real hard out of frustration and starts walking down the lonely road. About twenty minutes later, a pickup truck with a bunch of fellow rednecks riding in the back of the truck came along and stopped. On of the fellas called out, "Whats the matter ole' friend?"
Aldo says, "Piston-broke!" The same fella calls back, "Ya! we're pissn'd and broke too. Get in the truck."

It was the night before Christmas, when all through the trailer park
Not a pop-top was poppin', not even Ole Blue barked.
Our stockin's was hung over the space heater with care,
In hopes Santy would fill' em with Viennas and beer.

The kids was alseep in their NASCAR pj's,
Dreamin' of Goo Goo Clusters, Moon pies, and RC's.
And Earlene in her curlers and me in my John Deere cap
Had just settled into our La-Z-Boys for Wheel of Fourtune and a nap.

Then out in the vacent lot I heard such a commotion
I thought it was neighbor Clyde, finally got his T'bird in motion.
I heaved out of my recliner and to the window I flew,
Busted out the screen and hollered for Blue.

The moon was shinin' down on my old wrecked cars
So bright they was sparklin' like rusty old stars.
And I couldn't believe my own hardworking eyes
When a jacked up Ford pickup come flyin' through the sky!

Faster'n Ole Ironhead hs more...

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever worn hunter's orange to church.

You have barnyard animals living in your house.

Every pair of jeans you own has a tobacco can ring worn in one of the rear pockets.

Your truck has a bumper sticker that reads, "Gun control is a steady hand."

Your wife has ever torn her hose on the boogers stuck under the front of the pickup seat.

You have ever had a special loaded gun by the back door only for use on possums.

You have ever shot a possum on your porch.

You don't use a garbage service because it must be placed up near the mail box and you can't see far enough thru the trees to shoot the neighbors' dogs when they get into it.

You only go to the dump when you have enough to fill up the pickup.

You have more than 500 rounds of ammunition in your house.... not including 22 caliber.

You think the blood on the front of your pickup truck looks cool.
You think the blood on the back of your pickup truck looks cool.
Your pickup truck no longer has a back.

You have got more bumper stickers than children.
our wife has ever taken two pairs of shoes to a funeral: one pair to trudge thru the wet Georgia red clay between the house and the pickup, and the other pair to wear at the funeral.
You have ever been in a funeral where the flower truck was a pickup, particularly if it belonged to one of the family, more particularly if it was yours.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.