Picnic Jokes

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "oh, come on, and let’s eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "if you do, i won't go!"

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without more...

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Poncho, decide to go on a picnic. Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there.
By the time they do arrive, everyone's whipped and hungry. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and realizes that they forgot to bring a bottle opener. Joe & Steve beg Poncho to turn back home and retrieve it, but Poncho flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back.
Somehow, after about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Poncho to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food. So, Poncho sets off down the road, slow and steady.
Twenty days pass, but no Poncho. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Poncho, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without more...

On a picnic with his parents, Tommy got lost. He wandered aimlessly through the forest and then fell to his knees to pray. "Dear Lord," he implored, "please help me find my way out of here."
As he was praying, a bird flew overhead and dropped an answer squarely in the palm of his outstretched hand. "Please, Lord," the boy begged, "don't hand me that stuff. I'm really lost."

Funny Quotes About Women
Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. - Ed Abbey
In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men. - Ed Abbey
Girls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough. - Edward Abbey
Women who love only women may have a good point. - Edward Abbey
Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try. - Edward Abbey
The feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward Abbey
Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - Woody Allen
Woman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. - Ambrose Bierce
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas
Women! You can't live with them, you can't do most positions without them. - Dan Fielding (from the "Night more...