Picture Jokes / Recent Jokes

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says, "Would you mind coming over and helping me out with this killer jigsaw puzzle I bought -- I can't figure out how to get started." Her friend asks, "What's the puzzle of?" "From the picture on the box, I'd guess it's a tiger," replied the blonde. The friend obliges, and when he arrives the blonde greets him at the front door and then shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. Then, he turns to her and says, "I'm afraid that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of the tiger on the box." "Why not?" asks the disappointed blonde. "Because, you didn't buy a jigsaw puzzle... what you have here is a box of Frosted Flakes."

If a cow takes a picture, how the picture comes out?
black and white.

Playgirl Rejection LetterNovember 30, 1995PLAYGIRL, INC. Dear Mrs. Smith, We wish to thank you for your letter and the polaroid pictureof your husband. We agree that his appearance in our March issue asthe Playgirl's "Man of the Month" centerfold would have been a truly fitting way for you to honor your 75th anniversary of wedded bliss, and as a life-time memento on his birthday. We submitted the picture to our various panels of judges, asit is our routine procedure, with the following results: When rated by our panel of average American women (ages 25 to40) on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being the highest), his body was rateda -2. To further justify our ratings, we submitted your photographto another panel of women in the age bracket of 45 to 100. We couldn'tget them to stop laughing long enough to take the time to rate him. The old American women panel, aged 70 to 100, widowed for over twenty years, said "We'll retain our widowed status!" The Organization of Nude more...

Amazing and true lawyer statements. Lawyers typically aren’t funny - unless by accident. Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide... 1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child? 2) Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning? 3) Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, ‘I have to kill you because you can identify me. ’ Q: Did he kill you? 4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? 5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? 6) Were you alone or by yourself. 7) How long have you been a French Canadian? 8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind? 9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. A: That’s me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? 10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? 11) Q: Now, more...

A class teacher was trying to persuade her class to buy the class picture. The teacher said,"Won't it be nice to look at the picture and think; hey there's Jennifer, she a teacher or hey there Justin he's a doctor." A crackster at the back said,"Hey there's teacher she's dead!"

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog's name was' Mypenis'?

Mypenis ate my homework.

Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis.

I'm sorry, Officer. I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.

I love giving Mypenis a bath.

Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds.

Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.

I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.

Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?

Help! I can't find Mypenis!

Sorry to be driving so slow, officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.

Mypenis gets excited whenever the mailman comes.

Oh. no! Something bit Mypenis!

Watch it or you'll step on Mypenis.

When Mypenis behaves well, he gets a bone.

Sorry I'm late, but Mypenis kept me up howling all night...

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was more...