Picture Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wife: I always bring your picture with me everyday when I go to the office.
Husband: Oh. That must be because you love me so much.
Wife: No, it's because whenever I see your picture, I realize that however hard the problem is in office, I'm lucky with my work because there is a much bigger problem and that's you."
Husband:Ouch!

Joe says to Bill, "Want to see a picture of my Aunt?" Bill said, "Sure." So Joe takes out a picture. Bill says, "What are you talking about? Thats not your aunt! Thats a picture of a fish!"Joe says, "Well sure it is... It's my aunt Chovy!"

A policeman interrogates three blondes who are training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? ”
The first blonde answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he only has one eye! ”
The policeman says, “Well, uh, thats because the picture shows his profile. ”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for five seconds at the second blonde and asks her, “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? ”
The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear! ”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?! Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with? ”
Extremely frustrated at more...

The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."Q: Did he kill you? Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Were you alone or by yourself? Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture? A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. more...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade.
When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college, but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast and the guy went to the west coast.
They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend any time they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters.
Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love.
She became annoyed, as she now had a new boyfriend, and she wanted to get him off her back, so she took a Polaroid picture of her having sex with her new boyfriend and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note more...

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?" __________________________________________Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet! __________________________________________Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap! __________________________________________Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: more...

A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first one a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first one answers, "That`s easy; we`ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well... uh... that`s because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second one and asks him, "This is your suspect, and how would you recognize him?"

The second one smiles and says, "Ha! He`d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What`s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it`s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up more...