Picture Jokes / Recent Jokes
there is this guy and he always goes for late night drinks at the bar.
he always carries a picture of his wife in his pocket and whenever he finishes a beer he take the picture out and looks at it.
finally the bar tender askes him why he looks at this girls picture after every beer
the man replies well this is my wife and when she looks good i go home.
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar.
A $40 speeding ticket was included.
Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40.
The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
Little Davie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the
10 most wanted criminals.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was
the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The
detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Davie asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
A little girl learned in school, that instead of words, pictures and symbols would be drawn to indicate something if words weren't understood.
Later that day, she needed to go into the bathroom, looked at two pictures, and went in one. A teacher asked her, "Why did you go into the boys' bathroom?" She answered, "The picture showed a person wearing pants, and I'm wearing pants. The other picture showed someone wearing a dress, and I'm not."
On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!
The following are actual incidents reported...#1A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then, he discovered the problem - a 10-year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read "RADAR TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading "TIPS" and a bucket full of change.#2A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.#3A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the motorcycle officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Highway Patrolmen's Ball." He replied, "Highway patrolmen don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he'd just said. more...
Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc? The next time you get a dog, name it: Mypenis Why, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation! -I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it! -Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth! -Sorry I'm late. I was playing with Mypenis. -I'm sorry officer, I didn't realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash. -Mypenis doesn't come when I call it. -Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests. -If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN! -I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn't like cold water. -At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis. -Mypenis likes it when people pet him. -Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds! -Playing with Mypenis really wears me out. -Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis? -Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active. -I think Mypenis has a mind of its own. -I keep a picture of more...