Picture Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some of you may not find these at all funny but their is defintely a demographic that loves them. We decided to just collect as many as possible and throw them all onto one page. Enjoy! Yo mamma's so fat she had her ears pierced by harpoon. Yo mamma's so fat her clothes have stretch marks. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones. Yo mamma's so fat, she has two stomaches...one for meats and one for vegetables. Yo mamma's so fat she needs a hula hoop to keep up her socks. Yo mamma's so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate. Yo mamma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs. Yo mamma's so fat, her belt size is equator. Yo mamma's so fat, when she fell in love she broke it. Yo mamma's so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets. Yo mamma's so fat, every time she puts an apple in her mouth people try to roast her. Yo mamma's so fat, when she turns around they throw her a welcome back party. Yo mamma's more...

You Know It's Time To Diet When....
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You dance and it makes the band skip.

You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.

You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.

Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."

You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.

You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.

You could sell shade.

You need an appointment to attend an' open house'.

After living in a remote wilderness all his life, an old codger decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not knowing what it was,
he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, hated his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go
there and look at it.Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror.As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the old gal he's runnin' after! I'll kill him!

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father.
So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "I want a good picture, so try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand in my pocket?"

On their first night to be together, the newlywed couple go to change.
The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her
beautiful robe.
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe."
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh,
aaaahhh," he exclaims, "my word, you are so beautiful, let me take your
picture.
Puzzled, she asks, "My picture?"
He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart
forever."
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to
shower.
He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe?
We are married now."
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "Oh, oh, oh my, let me get a
picture."
He beams and asks, "Why?"
She answers, "So I can get it enlarged."

Hubby: "You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?"

Wife: "When there is a problem, no matter how insurmountable, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."

Hubby: "You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you."

Wife: "Yes, I see your picture and say to myself,' What other problem can there be greater than this one?'"