Piece Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whats the difference between a pussy and a piece of bread?
You can eat the crust around a piece of bread.

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man had an important appointment and had to be at the airport in time. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5: 00 A. M. ”. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9: 00 A. M., and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper on the bed…. it said… “It is 5. 00 A. M., wake up! ”

Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
War not determine who right, war determine who left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who lives in glass house should change more...

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed. However, as soon as they settle down, the man leans over and whispers softly and sweetly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lovey dovey little hubby wubby isn't quite ready for nite nite yet". The wife takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first".
So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face. Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your precious nosey-wosey all right? Let me help my sweetie sugar."
No harm is done, so she gets into bed and they make mad passionate love. Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor. Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch".

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem and they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song and they give him $100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And, it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

The caterer
The dutiful Jewish son is sitting at his father`s bedside. His father is near death.
Father: "Son."
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: (weakly) "Son. That smell. Is your mother making my favourite cheese cake?"
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: (even weaker) "Ah, if I could just have one more piece of your mum`s cheese cake. Would you get me a piece?"
Son: "OK, Dad."
(Son leaves and walks toward kitchen. After a while the son returns and sits down next to his father again.)
Father: "Is that you son?"
Son: "Yes Dad."
Father: "Did you bring the cheese cake?"
Son: "No Dad."
Father: "Why? It`s my dying wish!"
Son: "Well Dad. Mom says the cake is for after the funeral."

One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn't happy about that: "When are you going to learn to be polite?" Bill: "If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?" Tom: "The smaller piece, of course." Bill: "What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?"