Pig Jokes / Recent Jokes
A ship wrecks somewhere in the Pacific Ocean and the lone survior is washed up on a desert island. After surveying his surroundings he determines that the only other signs of life are one pig and one dog.
The man learns to live off of the island. He has fresh water from a spring and fruits grow abundantly. However, as the months go on, his sexual urges become stronger and stronger. Finally, in complete sexual hysteria, he grabs the pig and has his way with it. For some reason, however, the dog jumps up and bites him in the ass.
Weeks go by, and every day the man screws the pig and the dog bites him in the ass. One day, a beautiful young woman washes up on the shore. The man performs CPR and brings her back to life. She is so happy she says, "Thank you so much! I will give you anything you want!"
"Anything?" the man says.
"Anything." the woman replies.
"OK," he says, "will you hold the dog?"
Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly? They squealed on each other.
A farmer goes to confession for the first time in twenty years andtells the priest he's been having sexual intercourse with a pig eversince his wife died. The priest asks him if he intends to continue doing it and whether thepig is a male or female."No! I'm not doing it anymore!" says the farmer. "And the pig is afemale, of course. What the hell do you think I am -- a goddam queer?
The defendant who pleads his own case has a fool for a client, but at least there will be no problem with fee-splitting. Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A: A Doberman pinscher. Q: Why should lawyers wear lots of sunscreen when vacationing at a beach resort? A: Because they're used to doing all of their lying indoors. A man took a trip out West after a harrowing divorce proceeding. He stopped in a bar, and after a few drinks stated to no one in particular, "Lawyers are horses' asses." Hearing this, one of the locals spoke up: "Mister, watch what you say. You're in horse country." Q: What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. Cindy asked an old friend to go out for a drink with her after work. "I don't understand," Cindy complained. "When people find out I'm a lawyer, they take an instant dislike to me. Why would they do that?" Her friend appeared to think for a moment more...
What did the fat pig say when the farmer dumped corn mash into the trough? "I'm afraid that's all going to waist."
What did the mama pig say to her bad little piglet? "Behave or Frankenswine will get you."
Why didnt the Blonic Pig get a TV series of his own? He made the mistake of going to a barbecue with the Bionic Man and the Blonic Woman.