Pill Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. Why do blondes take the pill?
A. So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down more...
Dear Bob or Mr. Enzyte (However you like to be addressed:)
First off, you don't have to explain to me why there are no brothers in any of the commercials. I am pretty sure we know why. But something for you to think about, what if brothers started taking Enzyte? Well, I am sure that your commercials would increase, and possible make a medical statement like, "May cause death if taken by brothers. "
Ok, I must congratulate you for your research. I mean, you guys must be geniuses, because the way I see it there are at least twenty other ways your miracle pill could go wrong. How does it work? How does your miracle pill know that it's not making a big toe bigger? I've seen men with one shoe bigger than the other. Were these men some of your firs test subjects? Did O.J. take the pill before it was finished and his fingers grew, therefore, making the gloves not fit? Help a brother figure this out! And how come the balls don't grow, or do they? Wait, I've seen those more...
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
'Boss', he said,' The pill actually worked!'
'That's all fine' said the boss,' But where were you yesterday?'