Pill Jokes / Recent Jokes

I got this one from my sister:
Q: Did you hear about the "day after" pill for men?
A: It changes their blood type.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler more...

One day a wife gets married but she is having a very bad sex life so she consults her doctor about it. she says"doc im having a bad sex life help me!" the doctor says here give this to your husband every night for improvement. well she puts a pill in the glass and has good sex so she thinks"hmmmm if one pill did that just imagine two pills so she puts two pill in his drink and they have great sex and she is thinking "hmmm if two did that just imagine the whole bottle.so she pours the whole bottle in the cup.(the next morning)the doctor callos the house and asks the son so hows everyone doing". "well my mom is dead (too much sex) my sister is pregnant and my ass hurt" "well hows your dad doing" "well he outside yelling here kitty kitty kitty"

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10. 4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden. 5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill more...

Scientists have created a new male contraceptive pill that has no side effects. So now you can get AIDS without the worry of having children.

1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbows, just as
if you were giving a baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice
kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left
hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its
mouth with right forefinger.
4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse
to get new cat.)
5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in
bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso
over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's
mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in -- quickly. Since
your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're
doing. That's just as well.
6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in more...

Intelligence Test Instructions:Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time? Start.1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would more...