Pill Jokes / Recent Jokes

THE PILL
--
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does.
About a week later she's back at the doctor. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right there on the table!"
The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong.
The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages."
"Naah... ", she says, "that's okay. We aren't going back to that Restaurant anyway."

101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.
102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant?
A: And you thought blondes were dumb.
103. Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"
104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up?
A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.
105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill?
A: Wishful Thinking.
110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore more...

101. Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you? A: Tell her she's pregnant.102. Q: How do blondes get pregnant? A: And you thought blondes were dumb.103. Q: What will she ask you? A: "Is it mine?"104. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde.105. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side.106. Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back.107. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.108. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out.109. Q: But why do brunettes take the pill? A: Wishful Thinking.110. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! 111. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are more...

Did you hear about the side-effects of the Viagra pill for men?
- If you swallow it slowly, you'll get a stiff neck.

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Heres a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!"What else do you have?" asks the student."Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment." He goes back into the storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter."I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know. .. mat h always was a little hard to swallow."

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat`s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with lef hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
4. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
5. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat`s head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden more...

A truck driver was pulled over by a State Trooper. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab.
Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked, "Did I just see you swallow something?"
"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was screwed!" said the trucker.