Pills Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?" "Look, I can't prescribe...""Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me. "The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE.""I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold...""One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?" "Um... okay."
He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. In fumbling haste, pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, more...

An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."

The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."

So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much? They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"

The doctor nodded, "It's alright, now that we have your sinus' cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!"

An 80 year old man went to the doctor to ask for a prescription for Viagra. The doctor was a bit taken aback not only by his age but also because he was a widower. He told him he would have to have a physical first to make sure his heart, etc., was up to it.
He checked out OK for a man his age, so the doctor handed him a sample package. "Lets just try a couple of pills first and see how well you tolerate it. If it works out I'll write you a prescription."
The old man looked at the pills and said "Doc. Don't you have something smaller? All I want is a quarter of a pill."
"Sir, you are 80 years old. Trust me on this. You don't want a quarter of a pill. That won't do you any good at all. If you want a satisfactory sexual experience you're going to need a full dose."
"Doc, you don't understand. I don't want to have sex. I just want to get the damn thing out there far enough that I can stop peeing on my shoes."

A married woman walks up to Santa Claus and tells him that all she wants for Christmas is for her husband to be interested in sex. Santa then proceeds to give her a bottle of pills. He tells her to give them a try and then let him know how it's working.

So she takes the pills home and puts one pill in her husband's Christmas dinner. That night, they make love for one hour. The next day, she's running around thrilled and happy. "Oh, my God. I can't believe how well that worked," she thinks to herself. That night she puts two pills in his food and that night they make love for two hours. The next day, she's even more thrilled, so she dumps all the pills in his food.

Two weeks go by without any word from this woman, so Santa decides to give her a call. A little boy answers the phone. Santa says, "Little boy, is your mother home?"

"No, she's... who's this?" the little boy asks. "I'm a friend of your mother's and I gave more...

An elderly woman walked into a doctor's office and told the doctor that she and her husband had not been intimate in years. She said that her husband seemed to have a lack of desire.
After listening to the woman for a while, the doctor said, "I have just the thing. Have your husband take two of these pills right before dinner...
The next morning, the woman stormed into the doctor's office and exclaimed, "You have to change my husband's prescription! It is much too strong! I gave him the pills before dinner, just like you told me, and halfway through dinner they took effect. He got a wild look in his eyes, then pulled the tablecloth off the table; breaking all of the dishes! Then he threw me onto the table, and we made love right there!!"
"I feel awful," said the doctor. "Let me at least pay for all of the broken dishes."
"Don't worry about it," replied the woman, "We just won't eat at that restaurant any more... "

( I know some people may not consider this a joke but it is still funny, the results at the bottom are funny to! ENJOY!)
Intelligence Test Instructions:
Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live more...

One day there was an indian chief who was constipated. he sent one of hiswarriors to the witch doctor to get some medicine. The warrior says "BigChief, no shit". the doctor gave him 1 pill and told him that the chiefshould be fine tomorrow. The warrior went back to the chief and gave him the pill. the next morningthe warrior was sent back to the witch doctor and says "big chief, no shit". the doctor gives him five pills and tells him to give them to the chief. The next day the warrior appears at the witch doctor's house yet againsaying "big chief, no shit". the doctor gets annoyed and so gives thewarrior the whole bottle of pills to give to the chief. The next day the warrior goes back to the witch doctor (AGAIN):"Big shit, no chief".