Pills Jokes / Recent Jokes

there was this man that enterd a bar and ended up to a crying man.he said to the man"what is wrong?"the crying man replied"my doctor told me that im really sick, and he give me these pills."he also said, that i have to take these pills for the rest of my life.and the man said"then why are you crying?"because he only give me six pills"

An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the more...

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to help me. Please tell me what I should do."
The doctor thought for a moment. "Look," he said, "here are some pills. Take these twice a day and they'll allow you to fuck your wife six time a day. If you do this for thirty days, you'll finally screw her to death. And the autopsy will just show that she died of heart failure during sex."
"Wonderful, doc," said the grateful patient. "I'll start with this right away."
He left with the bottle of pills and a smile on his face.
Nearly a month passed. One day, while on a medical convention, the doctor passed by the patient coming down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, just barely managing to move forward.
"What happened?" asked the doctor. "What happened to your wife?"
"Don't worry, doc," the patient reassured him, "two more days and more...

A guy went to his doctor full of anger. "Doc," he said, "I feel like killing my wife. You've got to help me. Please tell me what I should do."The doctor thought for a moment. "Look," he said, "here are some pills. Take these twice a day and they'll allow you to fuck your wife six time a day. If you do this for thirty days, you'll finally screw her to death. And the autopsy will just show that she died of heart failure during sex.""Wonderful, doc," said the grateful patient. "I'll start with this right away."He left with the bottle of pills and a smile on his face.Nearly a month passed. One day, while on a medical convention, the doctor passed by the patient coming down the sidewalk in a wheelchair, just barely managing to move forward."What happened?" asked the doctor. "What happened to your wife?""Don't worry, doc," the patient reassured him, "two more days and she'll be dead."

Quickies
Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?
A: They put them in the car. Yetta, a friend of mine, confused her Valium pills with her birth control pills. As a result, she had ten children but she doesn`t really care. Q: What does a Jewish husband call a waterbed?
A: The Dead Sea. It`s one of life`s mysteries - how a 2Ib box of chocolates can make a Jewish woman gain 5lb. Another of life`s mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes! The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

This chick goes to her docter and tells him that she can’t get any from her husband. So he gives her some pills and says “they are experimental pills, put two into his coffee and see what happens”. So she does and the next morning come back and says "the sex was great what if I use ten? ” And the docter replied “they are experimental pills so try it and see what happens”. So the next day she comes back and says “the sex was better, can I put the whole bottle in and see what happens. The next morning a little boy walks up and says. “my mother’s dead, my sister’s pregnant, my arse hurts like hell and my father is sitting in the corner saying here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty."

Time to do the inner-blonde test! Pay close attention! There are 10 questions, so you should be able to answer them all in 5 minutes. DO NOT look at the answers found at the end of this document, that would be cheating! Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference!

1. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days?
2. If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills taken?
3. I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being woken by the alarm?
4. Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get?
5. A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left?
6. If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light more...