Pills Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Intelligence Test Instructions:
Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time?
Start.
1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________
2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________
3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________
4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________
5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________
6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where more...
Two years ago, scientists had high hopes for new pills that would help people quit smoking, lose weight and maybe kick other tough addictions like sex, alcohol and cocaine.
Studies have shown that these pills led to depression. Odd, that removing all the things that bring joy to life would bring on depression,
One day a wife gets married but she is having a very bad sex life so she consults her doctor about it. she says"doc im having a bad sex life help me!" the doctor says here give this to your husband every night for improvement. well she puts a pill in the glass and has good sex so she thinks"hmmmm if one pill did that just imagine two pills so she puts two pill in his drink and they have great sex and she is thinking "hmmm if two did that just imagine the whole bottle.so she pours the whole bottle in the cup.(the next morning)the doctor callos the house and asks the son so hows everyone doing". "well my mom is dead (too much sex) my sister is pregnant and my ass hurt" "well hows your dad doing" "well he outside yelling here kitty kitty kitty"
An exhausted looking blond dragged himself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."
"Great," the blond answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."
A few weeks later the blond returned, looking worse than ever. "Doc, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"That may be true," answered the blond wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"
A guy goes to his doctor and says,"Doc, I have a problem." "My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday." "I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all." The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out." The man says, "You have a deal Doc." Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling. The doctor asks, "What happened"? The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"
A Sindhi walking through a bazaar, when a stranger comes up to him and offers to sell him some illegal Viagra for 1, 000 Rupees.
"No, not worth it Sai!"
"OK, how about 500 Rupees?"
"No, not worth it Sai!"
"OK, 200?"
"No, not worth it!"
"How about 100?"
"No, not worth it!"
"Listen, these pills cost $10 American each. How can you say they are not worth it?"
"Ade baba, the pills are worth it, it's my wife is not worth it."