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Top 10 Ways to get Drunk for Five Dollars or Less
Number 10. Be a frosh (freshman).
It's not true that every frosh can be knocked into unconsciousness by waving a tom collins under their nose, but as those of us who go hunting for frosh on "New Kids night" at the local dance holes know, the phenomena is not rare. Frosh are usually young, inexperienced, and sometimes even illegal to entice into your boudoir. If anyone can get drunk on five bucks, it's them.
Number 9. Be female.
Chivalry is not dead! While you ladies can't expect guys to risk their life, or miss an episode of star trek for you, you may still be able to get some alcohol out of them. Try standing around the bar, sipping water with a grimace on your face. Dress smutty. Smile at guys as they walk by, the drunker geekier the better. If you want to get more than one drink out of a guy start talking about how hot it is. Act intoxicated. Become even more friendly. At an appropriate time have a friend more...
Intelligence Test Instructions:Write each of your answers down, it makes a difference! You will be allowed 10 minutes to complete the test. Write your answers in the spaces provided. Are you ready? What is the time? Start.1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? ____________________2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills had been taken? ____________________3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? ____________________4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? ____________________5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? ___________________6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would more...
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office.
When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills."
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you're 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."
There was this woman who went to the doctors cause she was complaining that sex with her husband wasn't up to par. So the doctor recommended some sex pills and told her to give him one, have sex that night and come back to him with the results.
The next morning she went back to the doctor's and said "Well, the sex was much better but to tell you the truth it could be alot better." So the doctor said, "Give him him three tonight and come back to me with the results"
So she did that and the next morning she told him about her experience but said the same thing. "The sex can really be better, Doctor." So the Doctor said "What the hell, give your husband the whole bottle."
The next morning a little boy came into the doctor's office and the doctor asked if he could help him. "I'm the son of the lady you gave those pills to." "Oh, yes. How did they work?" asked the doctor.
"Well, my mom's dead, my sister's more...
There was this woman who went to the doctors cause she was complaining that sex with her husband wasn't up to par. So the doctor recommended some sex pills and told her to give him one, have sex that night and come back to him with the results.
The next morning she went back to the doctor's and said "Well, the sex was much better but to tell you the truth it could be alot better." So the doctor said, "Give him him three tonight and come back to me with the results"
So she did that and the next morning she told him about her experience but said the same thing. "The sex can really be better, Doctor." So the Doctor said "What the hell, give your husband the whole bottle."
The next morning a little boy came into the doctor's office and the doctor asked if he could help him. "I'm the son of the lady you gave those pills to." "Oh, yes. How did they work?" asked the doctor.
"Well, my mom's dead, my sister's more...
The harried clerk suffering from insomnia never got to sleep before dawn; then slept right through the alarm and so never made it to the office on time. Upon being reprimanded by his boss, he decided to consult a doctor. The doctor gave him some sleeping pills. That night he fell asleep immediately and experienced a pleasant rest. In the morning he awoke before the alarm rang, jumped out of bed with new verve and vigour. When he arrived at his office promptly, he told his boss,' Those pills I got from my doctor really worked. I had no trouble at all waking up this morning.'
'That's nice,' the boss replied.' But where were you yesterday?'
Sitting in the doctor's office, the frustrated fellow unburdened himself of a tale of woe. His beautiful young wife, who had been delightfully passionate before they were married, had now lost all interest in sex.
"Try giving her these," said the doctor, handing him a bottle of pills. "One each evening with dinner."
The man complied, but the first night brought no reaction. On the second evening, he gave his wife two pills, but still no reaction. On the third night, he gave her half the bottle and, in disgust, swallowed the rest himself. Soon, his wife stretched out languorously on the couch. "Oh, darling," she said, "I want a man."
"That's funny," said her husband. "So do I."