Pilot Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness. Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?" "I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"
A photographer from a well-known national magazine was assigned to cover the recent Southern California fires. The magazine wanted to show some of the heroic work of the firefighters as they battled the blazes.
When the photographer arrived, he realized that the smoke was so thick that it would seriously impede or make it impossible for him to photograph anything from ground-level.
So he requested permission to rent a plane and take photos from the air. His request was approved, and arrangements were made. He was told to report to a nearby airport, where a single-engine plane would be waiting for him.
He arrived at the airport and saw a plane warming up near the gate. He jumped in with his bag and shouted, "Let's go!" The pilot swung the plane into the wind, and within minutes they were in the air.
The photographer said, "Fly over the park and make two or three low passes so I can take some pictures."
"Why?" asked the more...
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready.
"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other anouncements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..." After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride." As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!" After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted." From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert more...
Polish Air Lines flight 113 was descending for a landing at anairport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out thewindshield and suddenly exclaimed to the copilot, "Holy cow! Lookhow short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"The copilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That'sincredible! Are you sure we can make it?" "Well we better, werealmost out of fuel."So the captain got on the intercom and notified the passengers toput their heads between their knees and prepare for an emergencylanding. Then he set the flaps to full down and slowed the plane tojust over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on theragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the copilotwas praying. They touched down and came screeching to a halt JUSTbefore the edge of the runway, the tires smoking."WHEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain."That runway was SHORT!""Yeah!" said the more...
A pilot was flying a 747 full of passengers as a voice cracked
over the radio.
It said, "This is Ground Control. Please divert your course 5
degrees east. Over."
The pilot was slightly confused and responded, "10-4, but why
should I divert my course?"
The voice answered, "Your plane and another 747 are about to
pass over a major city and we don't want any excess noise."
The pilot laughed and said, "I'm 31, 000 feet up. What kind of
noise could I cause?"
Ground Control answered, "Have you ever heard the sound that
colliding 747's make?"